SYNOPSIS:
In the ruins of an old parking garage, there is an effigy lashed to a pillar. To anyone else, the remains of the woman with the goat skull head is a warning. To a lonely young boy looking for escape, it is a god of salvation. At its feet lay tattered old notebooks, scattered stories, tales of strange encounters, of broken people and monstrous things, and of corrupt hearts and evil minds. In order to complete his transfiguration, the boy must read these stories, but he has no idea the fate that awaits him. (first off, that TITLE) The beginning setup is eerie and disturbing. "So you can be free," she tells him. "And so you can be blessed by the Bone Mother." eeeep. Lines/thoughts for each story below! THE LAND OF SUNSHINE -- "She had never learned to sign, and he supposed this was a good thing. If her hands were not raised, he didn't have to see the pale scars that bisected her wrists, and thus be reminded of how he had failed her." ....damn -- "Here, in that building, the answer, the closure he sought, awaited. And so, frozen on this cold wet street, he would not move." TRAVELER -- so this is flat-out HORRIFYING -- "I didn't mean to do that. I forgot." I almost laughed. "I'm pretty sure I'll get over it." There's something so achingly human about this little moment in the midst of a frightening, alien situation. There are some short pieces that stay with you (and usually come back into your consciousness at ass o'clock at night) and this is going to be one of them. MANNEQUIN CHALLENGE -- "And even if the change wasn't anything so dramatic, maybe they'd include him in more of their ventures. He was free to decline at any point, obviously, but wouldn't it be pleasant just to be asked?" Aw, Theo. -- "What if I were to touch you? Would you move then?" he asked, and his voice sounded strange to his own ears in a way he didn't like. am now creeped out go back home to your dog before you do something awful please -- OH GOD TOO LATE GO WARILY AFTER DARK -- "The bombs fell just after midnight. They tell you to prepare for such things. There are drills, kits, leaflets and posters, stern voices instructing you over the radio, but nothing can prepare the human mind for the sound of the world coming down. It is as if the devil has felled God." what. an. opening. -- 'Rats, my husband said, they'll eat anything. We laid traps, and the traps disappeared too.' UM. -- ' I could smell the whiskey on his breath but did not, as was customary, resent him for it. When the world wants to kill you, a bottle is as good a place to hide as a basement.' DOWN HERE WITH US -- "Then I found myself wondering why he didn't just drown that one int he brook." To which I'd responded, "The water would have refused him." nice to meet you too -- I love the zombie-apocalypse-in-classic-dwarf/elves-fantasy setup -- THE WITHERER hi nightmares how are you -- 'Should we live to recount this tale, there will be no mention of the forced sacrifice, of my abandonment of the child.' Yeah, I bet there won't. -- the 'garden' AUGH SANCTUARY -- 'The dust found its way inside me', he'd written eeeek A WICKED THIRST -- 'The waiter appears. It might as well be a mannequin for all the life that's in his eyes. I order another round and tell him to cheer up.' His inability to shut up when drinking is amply proven here. -- "Did I blow it?" I offer her a sly smile. "No." "Good." "But you can if you want to." "Jesus, is that a line that ever actually works?" "Not really," I tell her and join her in laughing. These nerds. <3 -- 'The scent of her fills my nose. Her perfume and a metallic, coppery smell." oh no YOU HAVE NOTHING TO FEAR FROM ME -- Lonesome Dove mention! -- This guy's charming. What's wrong with him? -- Well. Her mom's a real winner. -- 'And bonus, if it all went to hell, nobody would know her here.' *flashbacks to dating* -- ...did NOT see that coming. THE MONSTER UNDER THE BED -- "DAAAAAD!" "Fuck sake." "DAAAAAD!" "Jesus Christ, Billy, what?" "You said a bad word." Ahhh, parenting, where any emergency can be postponed by letting a cuss word slip. -- I love this one. Short and sharp. THE HOUSE ON ABIGAIL LANE -- haunted house storyyyyy -- I like the pov for this one (also, I love Sharon Grey and she deserved better, poor kid) -- 'the iconic imagery of dozens of dogs and cats camped out on the lawn of the house on Abigail Lane, all of them unmoving, all facing the house' 0____O Yeah, that'd be when I'd invent teleportation just to get the heck out of Dodge -- 'That the president of the United States may be an inveterate liar and all-around archvillain is not a reality for which the nation is prepared.' *hums Everything Old is New Again* -- 'Unwillingly, I glanced over my shoulder. On the stairs was a ten-foot clown.' AND THIS IS WHERE I NOPE THE HELL OUT EVERYBODY -- ohhh, poor Doug Lowell. -- 'People might not have believed there was anything sinister or otherworldly about the place, but skepticism is always easier from a safe distance.' -- teeth. in. the. mailbox. -- 'The woman's eyes are such a brilliant ethereal blue they penetrate even teh lowest of resolutions' Just as long as she's not a Traveler ------------------- All in all, Traveler is the best nightmare fuel; House on Abigail Lane is a great take on the haunted house genre; The Monster Under the Bed is just FUN; but my favorite goes to You Have Nothing to Fear From Me.
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SYNOPSIS:
From Claire C. Holland, a timely collection of poetry that follows the final girl of slasher cinema - the girl who survives until the end - on a journey of retribution and reclamation. From the white picket fences of 1970s Haddonfield to the apocalyptic end of the world, Holland confronts the role of women in relation to subjects including feminism, sexuality, violence, and healing in the world of Trump and the MeToo movement. Each poem centers on a fictional character from horror cinema, and explores the many ways in which women find empowerment through their own perceived monstrousness. Poetry is a very hit-or-miss thing with me. This one was an absolute hit. Every poem is based on and titled after the heroine of a horror movie. There were a few movies I haven't seen, but that didn't dim my enjoyment of any of them. I hesitate to quote lines like I normally do. There were several wonderful or heartbreaking (usually both) segments, but since they're from short poems instead of a longer piece... Well, one or two. "She is so tired of waiting-aren't you?-for the world to become good and tolerable and kind" from Thomasin. "The law believes in motherhood, in theory. Put to practice, and you are all recoil, all kickback" from Nola. "I am God and Punisher, Mary full of rage" from Elsa. "I am the woman who goes back into the house because I can't stand waiting on the lawn" from Jess. And the end of The Female (Part II) is something I would get as a tattoo. SO many quotes from these are going into my horror-inspiration notebook. 110% recommend. SYNOPSIS:
When David Caine, a celebrated skeptic of the supernatural, is invited by an old friend to spend a month in “the most haunted house in Virginia,” he believes the case will be like any other. But the Alexander House is different. Built by a 1700s land baron to contain the madness and depravity of his eldest son, the house is plagued by shadows of the past and the lingering taint of bloodshed. David is haunted, as well. For twenty-two years ago, he turned away the woman he loved, and she took her life in sorrow. And David suspects she’s followed him to the Alexander House. Long story short, I loved it. I'd decided with The Nightmare Girl that Janz was going onto my auto-buy list and this solidified my decision. David was a fascinating, frustrating main character (he reminded me of Steven from Haunting of Hill House- I alternated between wanting to keep him safe and wanting to shake him). Jessica is fantastic and badass, and the side characters are very memorable (both the good and the bad. Ughhhh, Honey. 😬) The notes I took: -- haunted house story HELL YES -- "I should probably get groceries." "You probably should," Ralph said. "Then again, maybe you shouldn't rest on ceremony and pass up free burgers and beer." I would like to live next to Ralph -- "The disappointment of a reader, not a believer. You wanna know the ride's been worthwhile. You want there to be a payoff." "So I should make one up?" He was aware of the edge in his voice but made no effort to soften it. Ralph's criticism was familiar. Why did people crave dishonesty? David, buddy, if you're sure you won't like the answer you may not want to ask the question. -- 'Two stories, brick, probably worth half a million. It was like a contracter had plopped the house here to strike back at a conservationist with whom he'd been feuding.' GREAT LINE. -- 'The kid put his hands on his hips. "You a retard or something?" "That's a lousy word." "Mom uses it." Oh I'm gonna hate the Shelbys sfm -- 'He'd be here a month. Even in a place this remote, he was bound to run into Mr. and Mrs. Shelby eventually. Why not get it out of the way?' No. Bad instinct. Just take your chances with the ghosts. -- Shelby forced a smile. "Children are a trial, Mr. Caine. You're blessed you never had any." Your daughter is Right There you asshole -- okay, so the ghosts eat the parents and the kids go to an actual caring home this is my dream -- that little carved canoe wtf that is not right -- "The part that keeps me up at night...the part I've never gotten over...it's that what happened to that family...those poor kids...it happened on my watch." **hugs Ralph** -- "That's Oxrun Park" Oxrun? Nice. <3 -- "I cared about her, too." "Would you stop the bullshit niceties?" David half-smiled. "It was almost a quarter of a century ago." Chris is gonna punch you and you're going to deserve it. -- "You don't belong in that house." Mike Jr. gave him a wry look. "Hell, I know that. Why you think I'm over here?" Oh sweetie -- I will never own a bed that doesn't rest on the floor ever again. -- "I didn't see anything," he said I stg if you get those babies killed because you're too stubborn to admit what was right in front of you... -- "I forgot there was a caretaker." She gave him a look. "Who do you think mows the lawn? The Bell Witch?" I like you, kid. -- "That," Anna said, an eyebrow arched, "would never happen because it would require you to change." YOW. -- "Don't look at me like that, Mr. Caine," the woman said. "You already knew I was a woman. Finding out I'm also black can't be that much of a shock." Sheriff Harkless is my new favorite -- "Honey's father. He's the Mayor of Lancaster." okay new plan, the ghosts eat the parents *and* the awful grandfather, and then the kids go to the Sheriff. -- David couldn't meet the older man's eyes. "Those are movies." "Did you listen to the shit you just told me?" RALPH. <3 -- "I'm not ready to embrace the irrational." "Of course you're not. You've gotta be a stubborn dipshit and have more proof shoved in your face." A mirthless chuckle. "Maybe get a couple of your friends killed." Ralph leveled a finger at him. "I'm not going over there with you, by the way, so I'll save you the trouble of asking." You say that now Ralph but please go stay in a motel or something before David changes your mind -- "It's like magic," Ralph said. "Just like that you've got it all explained." "It's easier to swallow than--" "Than the possibility you don't know everything?" just imagine I have posted every "BURN!!!" gif in existence right here -- "Was it you, Chris, or did you hire an actor?" You are gonna die from pure unadulterated stubborn dumbassery and I just hope you don't take anyone else with you -- "Trying to make me feel bad..." "...so manipulative" gaslighting ass -- 'The part he couldn't get over was that when Chris called to tell him she was dead, David wasn't surprised.' fuuuuuuck youuuuuu ((and that makes the earlier 'it was almost a quarter of a century ago' even WORSE because her little brother, her little sister, her dad already was fighting cancer and then he had to go through the worst grief imaginable and he's all 'well, it was a long time ago')) -- and I know he's not responsible for Anna's actions but for him to be so *dismissive* about it with another person who cared for her...RGH. -- "Why did you call Harkless on me?" "A woman lives alone, she has to be vigilant." "I seem dangerous to you?" wow you really don't spend any time around women do you -- I hope Jessica is Anna's little sister all grown up and she kicks your ass -- Ivyyyyyyyy no please be safe kidlet -- 'Harkless bent, retrieved the vodka bottle-- 'Grey Goose, the label read-- and without hesitation dumped its entire contents over Honey's head. marry me -- HOT DAMN I CALLED IT -- "You didn't even look into what happened to her, did you? That's how self-centered you are." oh mannnn i can understand not doing it immediately afterwards but over two decades you never even... DAVID. COME ON. -- ghosts. eat the mayor already. you are not doing your job. -- "Do you have any idea who I am?" "We know," the woman from CPS said. "Unfortunately." Heh. Get him, Tina. -- "You punched me in the face." "You deserve worse." *heart eyes* -- "What I need from you is open-mindedness. Actual, authentic open-mindedness, not that condescending humoring attitude you usually have." I think she just turned David into a smoking cinder -- Alicia do not deliver candy to him he can get it his own damn self at least leave it on the porch pls do not go inside -- "I don't believe my sister committed suicide. I think she was murdered." ohhhhhhhh that makes SO much sense (esp considering that it took place in that house) but it still blindsided me. -- GAH alicia noooo -- "Not at all," Baldwin said, in that same maddeningly reasonable tone. "But I do find your anger interesting." go straight to hell do not pass go do not collect $200 -- "But..." "But there comes a point where disbelief turns into stupidity." "I'd say we got there quite a while ago." Have I told...you lately...that I love you -- "Five minutes. Ten tops." "That's what Alicia said. IF YOU GET RALPH KILLED I WILL-- -- "Isn't that reason to do this? For her?" ohhhh you little weasel -- "...made me promise to send him people every now and then." OH SHIT -- do not even bring up the possibility of Harkless being involved i am still mourning Ralph -- "How do we get started?" she asked, ignoring him. "Do y'all mutter some incantations? Sacrifice a llama?" I will start a riot if you die Harkless -- Charlie Templeton you BADASS -- "Oh, fuck this," Harkless said, and rose. **composing sonnets** -- 'The leering thing had left off Katherine's corpse, was staring at him. No, he amended. Not at *him*. At the blood on his forearm.' AHHHHH as if those things aren't creepy enough -- IVY. SOMEBODY CALL AN EXORCIST. -- oh god Chris is not only scum he's Nice Guy Incel scum. "When I was right in front of her!" fuck offffffffff ((Anna deserved better friends/boyfriend material darnit)) -- Jessica has remembered her Hatpin Panic and used the history lesson well -- "Do you believe yet?" she asked. I BELIEVE I AM TRAUMATIZED -- I love that David follows the 'out of bullets? gonna throw the gun at you' reflex -- ANNA. The young women! IVY. my heart cannot handle this -- "Oh, that. It's super-soldier serum. Like they give Captain America." Mike looked at him blankly. Then he scowled. "You're full of shit." I love this kid -- "I'm scared of myself." don't mind me i'm just over here sweeping up the shattered pieces of my heart -- Harkless has the kiddos yesssssssssssss -- "Run." Annnnnd a sweet, haunting (ha) scene turns terrifying with a single word And thus ends my longest review so far. ;) There's just so much to react to in these books! Up next is either Wolf Land or Savage Species (on the Janz front, there *is* a new Kealan Patrick Burke out...) SYNOPSIS:
J is a student at a school deep in a forest far away from the rest of the world. J is one of only twenty-six students, all of whom think of the school’s enigmatic founder as their father. J’s peers are the only family he has ever had. The students are being trained to be prodigies of art, science, and athletics, and their life at the school is all they know—and all they are allowed to know. But J suspects that there is something out there, beyond the pines, that the founder does not want him to see, and he’s beginning to ask questions. What is the real purpose of this place? Why can the students never leave? And what secrets is their father hiding from them? Meanwhile, on the other side of the forest, in a school very much like J’s, a girl named K is asking the same questions. J has never seen a girl, and K has never seen a boy. As K and J work to investigate the secrets of their two strange schools, they come to discover something even more mysterious: each other. This one was a DNF for me (sortof; I skimmed through the last half). There were some things I really enjoyed. Malerman's writing style continues to be very clear and conversational. Some great lines-- "His beard as dark as misinformation." "And the only thing worse than receiving all your information from one source is believing it entirely." "Needs, to him, was more a painting than a book. Let someone else hang it in their home." And using 'Time Enough At Last' for the chapter title where J starts reading the book was perfect. 💗 But. About a quarter in, I wrote: "Book's well-written, but not enjoyable. Slow burn beginnings can work, but not when children are being gaslit, tortured, and murdered." In the end, that was too much for me, along with the other big issue I had, the same one I had with Owen King's 'Sleeping Beauties': Queer people EXIST. All the women in the world fall asleep? Trans people exist. Genderqueer people exist. Boys and girls are separated, given no knowledge of the other to avoid 'distraction'? One of those forty-something kids (at least) is gonna be queer. If either book had been written in the 40s/50s, then I could understand. Not that we didn't exist back then, of course, but we weren't a consideration. But it's 2019. I've read plenty of recent books, horror and otherwise, that never mention queer people, and it's not a deal-breaker for me. But if we're going to have gender issues/essentialism as a big part of the plot? Different story. SYNOPSIS:
It sounded like the perfect first date: canoeing across a chain of lakes, sandwiches and beer in the cooler. But teenagers Amelia and James discover something below the water’s surface that changes their lives forever. It’s got two stories. It’s got a garden. And the front door is open. It’s a house at the bottom of a lake. For the teens, there is only one rule: no questions. And yet, how could a place so spectacular come with no price tag? While the duo plays house beneath the waves, one reality remains: Just because a house is empty, doesn’t mean nobody’s home. Just finished this one last night, and I liked it a lot. It was a quiet, dreamlike read, no gutpunch horror but just a constant uneasiness. Notes I took while reading: (some spoilers below) -- 'Both seventeen. Both afraid. But both saying yes.' My HEART. I already love these kids. -- They are so awkward and I want to hug them. -- 'Amelia wished she'd brought a camera. Then she decided it was okay that she didn't have one. She could bring one next time. Then she realized she was already thinking of next time.' awwwwwww -- "It's a fucking house!" she said. Then she squealed because she was on a first date and they'd discovered something crazy enough to call magic.' It's all going to go terribly wrong somehow but this is so sweet and fun -- "Hi, Amelia," he said, thinking a pretend-communication with her might help. It didn't. And he wished he hadn't. It made him feel more alone. Made her seem far away. Or like he was leaving her name down here. Like he was delivering Amelia's name to the darkness.' THAT LAST LINE -- "Two dates underwater. One up above. Good for us. We're insane." *snerk* -- the floating dresses are creepy as helllllll -- I love the spiderweb and the indoor pool. Such great eerie details. -- 'They'd agreed never to ask how or why. But neither had thought to ask *who*.' AUGH -- 'It was an offering. A welcoming. A gift.' okay Amelia please gtfo now ..... you're not leaving are you. SYNOPSIS:
The year is 1988. High school sophomores Abby and Gretchen have been best friends since fourth grade. But after an evening of skinny-dipping goes disastrously wrong, Gretchen begins to act…different. She’s moody. She’s irritable. And bizarre incidents keep happening whenever she’s nearby. Abby’s investigation leads her to some startling discoveries—and by the time their story reaches its terrifying conclusion, the fate of Abby and Gretchen will be determined by a single question: Is their friendship powerful enough to beat the devil? This review took a bit longer than I expected because I had to take an Intensity Break (I was *not* expecting a book with a Top 80s Hits playlist at the front to go quite this hard). I'm not exaggerating when I say I found this to be scarier than The Exorcist. At least in that one, the adults realize something is deeply wrong and find the best people they can to help. Here, it's just one terrified kid who knows the truth. Brrrr. (on a related note, I wanted pretty much every adult in this book to eat glass) Reactions I wrote while reading (spoilers ahead): -- I'm pretty sure I own all the songs in the chapter titles. 😄 I love the playlist and the yearbook quotes are so spot-on and equally parts nostalgic and cringey. -- 'For Abby, "friend" is a word whose sharp corners have been worn smooth by overuse. "I'm friends with the guys in IT," she might say, or "I'm meeting some friends after work." But she remembers when the word 'friend' could draw blood.' Just beautiful, and so accurate. -- "That's the day of my birthday party." "Oh, right. But you can move that." Whenever the demon arrives, I want it to eat Mrs. Link. -- Abby, sweetheart, I wish I could hug you. ((I wrote this about ten pages in, but upon finishing the book, just assume it is always my mindset)) -- "Abby's invitation was first," she said, eyes blazing. "So you're the rude one. And she's not a liar. I saw it." I would officially die for you Gretchen -- 'The la-di-da part of Mt. Pleasant where all the houses were dignified and either overlooked the water or had enormous yards, and if anyone saw a black person walking down the street who wasn't Mr. Little, they would pull their Volvo over and ask if he was lost.' ...yow. I am ALL for nostalgia that doesn't indulge in rose-colored glasses. -- 'One of her rules was that Gretchen could only have six magazines and five books at a time.' okay only a demon could ever be scarier than *that* -- 'an eternal process of self-classification' is my new favorite description of the teenage years -- Of course Gretchen's parents are Reagan Republicans -- Oh *hell* no her parents need to disappear -- "I'm going to kill her," she whispered. Then she wiped her nose and looked up at Abby. "Don't ever tell I said that." I fully support you and will provide an alibi, go right ahead and kill that abusive creep. -- I adore the little extras throughout: the newspaper article, the postcards... -- Weird Al mention! <3 -- Oh man, those tense, short, hurtful teenage fights. -- Dearly But Not Queerly. Ah, early 'no homo' slang, how I do not miss you. -- The 'she didn't have to help, but she *could*' section is so lovely. -- I want to believe the whole "Satan is your Roommate" pamphlet is fake for the book, but after seeing Chick Tracts, I just don't know. -- Riley needs to die horribly -- Shop smart. Shop S-Mart! -- Ah, AIDS jokes. Thank you 80s -- "Cool beans," Gretchen said. "Let's go fry my brains." I LOVE THIS KID -- Glee doing her homework while she's waiting for acid to kick in is pretty much me at any party ever -- okay Gretchen never mind providing an alibi I'll just go ahead and kill your parents *for* you HOW DARE THEY -- "No matter what happens," she said. "I'll never hurt you." i'm mildly freaking out -- 'Margaret talked in a way that made Abby feel helpless. Everything was the way Margaret said it was, and if you didn't agree you were a moron. Arguing was useless.' I've had friends like that. -- "I'm not an idiot. I know what drugs are. If you're really her friend, get her to stop." Yes, that's so very useful, what an amazing and caring teacher you are -- my heart just *hurts* for Abby's mom -- I am cringing so damn hard at Abby trying to explain to Gretchen's asshole parents what happened -- "You were doing drugs?" I KNEW IT I *knew* that was what you jackasses would hone in on -- "You two don't care about her. You just want to control her. You hit Gretchen! All you care about is that she doesn't embarrass you!" They're going to make your life hell for this, but you're spot-on, kid -- "I'll save you, Gretchen," Abby swore to herself. "They can't stop me from saving you." You should *not* be in this position alone. -- Oh yeah Slave Day isn't horrifying at ALL -- "Don't leave me alone," Gretchen begged. "I can't do this on my own. I can't fight it by myself. I'm sorry for what I did, but he makes me. He's always whispering in my hear, telling me what to do, making me hurt people. He wants me to be all alone, with no one left but him. I'm sorry, Abby. I'm so, so sorry." Just run my heart straight through the wringer why don't you -- oh god no the demon's fully in control now and i might cry -- Margaret that is not safe -- 'not me not me help me not me' So this is me NEVER SLEEPING AGAIN. -- omfg the urban legends being passed around along with the D&D rumors -- oh my damn Abby's mom I adore you -- ...okay I adore you a little less support your kid in private not just in front of the principal -- Oh, Glee. :( -- that scene where they find out exactly what's wrong with Margaret JESUS CHRIST body horror nightmares for all time -- okay no i am not reading the section with Max I know he dies I don't need to actually see the words -- I love that the exorcist just told her to 'stay frosty' -- "Hot damn!" he shouted. "We got ourselves a demon!" omfg Brother Lemon you NERD. ((also wtfffff, were you not sure *before* you did all that?!?)) -- 'The door swung open and Abby turned to see Brother Lemon approaching the bed. In one hand was a steaming teakettle. In the other was the funnel.' oh shit -- "I will mortify the flesh until she gives up the demon," Brother Lemon shouted. "I'm not screwing up again!" UM -- I know you have no idea what you're doing but do NOT run off and leave this child all alone to deal with this aaaaaaand you just did -- well there's a song I'll never be able to listen to again without getting the shakes -- I know this whole scene is creepy but 'old and dried up and thirty' made me snicker -- "And I'm just a stupid little girl!" Abby shouted back. "But I will not stop because you have my best friend and I am coming for her! Do you hear me? I am coming for her and there is nothing you can do, because I will not stop, I will never stop, I will never give up because I want my friend back!" Don't mind me, just over here sobbing. -- ohhhhhh she's using their past as something holy to fight the demon and my heart cannot handle this my *girls* -- "I love you dearly and I love you queerly and no demon is bigger than this!" **crying** -- 'And then the exorcist saved her life.' ohhhhhhhh. -- "You always drove me everywhere," Gretchen said. "I figured it was time to return the favor." GRETCHEN I could not have asked for a better ending. Poignant and bittersweet, it's beautiful and it fits perfectly. Hendrix is officially on my short list of "buy their book the minute it comes out". SYNOPSIS:
Rusty Moss has raised his niece Mia since she was a baby. Now that she's almost eighteen, he's worried that the life he's given her—living off the grid in a cabin deep in the woods—is holding her back from her full potential. But that angst gets pushed aside when the undead forest animals arrive. At first it's just a squirrel—shockingly violent and almost impossible to kill. Followed by a grizzly bear, also aggressive and resilient, even when point-blank shotgun blasts to the face are involved. Now the cabin is surrounded by all manner of zombie creatures. They have no way to call for help. The truck that could take them to safety is three miles away, stuck in the mud. But Rusty and Mia have their courage. They have their wits. And, most importantly, they have an axe and a fully fueled chainsaw... I needed something a lot more lighthearted after my last read, the super-tense The Nightmare Girl. This? Fit the bill perfectly. JUST LOOK AT THAT COVER. (seriously I want to print that art up and hang it on my wall) If you had any other doubts about what you're in for here, just read this disclaimer: "The plausibility of this novel has not been verified by anybody in the scientific community, due to concern that their heads would explode." 😄 This is a straightforward, fast-moving thriller. Zombie animals is my absolute favorite zombie genre, so those + Jeff Strand's writing is an automatic win from me. Notes I took while reading: -- 'And if nothing else, Mia was going to have an amazing handmade wooden crib.' -- ilu Rusty -- "I didn't say that was for you." "You hate licorice." "Maybe I've evolved. People change. They acquire experience and wisdom." "Are you saying you've acquired new wisdom?" "Oh, God no. I'm done with that shit." 😄 -- 'It was an admirable trait to not let fear rule one's life, but it was also admirable to not be a complete dumbass.' Amen, Rusty. Also, the 'dumbass' has now got me picturing Rusty as Red from That 70s Show, which oddly fits. -- BLOODLESS ZOMBIE SQUIRREL -- "So from now on, neither of us goes outside alone. That includes me. I'm mot trying to be a hero. And if we do go out, it's only during the daytime. Just until we get this figured out." I love that Rusty's not trying to be dismissively macho about this. Our leads are certainly in danger plenty throughout the novel, but it's because the enemy is dangerous, not because they act like zombie kibble. -- I really love the relationship Rusty and Mia have. You can tell they respect and care about each other, and the banter they have is great. (Strand's dialogue is always a ton of fun) -- "Get me something to put it in." "A bowl of holy water?" Mia is on the right track here -- The siege at the cabin is amazing and freaky and I want this to be a movie. -- "Zombie woodpecker?" "I hope not." "That would be a humiliating way to die." this better not be foreshadowing i really want them both to live -- oh god the eye thing ow ow owwwwwww -- "Then, in a move that Rusty could not believe he was actually seeing performed by his niece, she grabbed a thick handful of fur with her left hand, shoved the axe blade deep into the bear's back to give her leverage with her right, and pulled herself up onto its back like she was mounting a very large, hairy, psychotic horse." MIA. YOU GODDESS. I ADORE YOU. -- War of the Worlds reference! -- omfg zombie porcupines this book is the best -- "We have weird-ass conversations," Rusty noted. "I think normal conversations are over for us." "You're right. How can I ask you to pass the salt after watching you ride around on a zombie bear?" -- 'Rusty cut off a squirrel's tail, which wasn't his intent. The tail spun around on the ground like a battery powered cat toy.' Nice description. Also, I like that even a bullet to the head/cutting the head off doesn't fully kill these things; just manages to slow them down. -- 'Something snorted.' OH GOD ZOMBIE BOAR I've been worried about this possibility guys GO I loved this book entirely too much. If you want a quick, ridiculous and fun read, pick it up. SYNOPSIS:
When family man Joe Crawford confronts a young mother abusing her toddler, he has no idea of the chain reaction he’s setting in motion. How could he suspect the young mother is part of an ancient fire cult, a sinister group of killers that will destroy anyone who threatens one of its members? When the little boy is placed in a foster home, the fanatics begin their mission of terror. Soon the cult leaders will summon their deadliest hunters―and a ferocious supernatural evil―to make Joe pay for what he’s done. They want Joe’s blood and the blood of his family. And they want their child back. This is an intense book, to the point where I had to stop myself from growling at the characters and then having to explain to the kids why. 😄 I love that it starts off in high gear (in the hardest scene in the book to get through), stays tense the whole way through, and then somehow manages to kick it up even more at the end. Hell of a book, and I'm absolutely spending my @flametreepress coupon on more Janz stories. Notes I took while reading! -- How much do I want to be able to physically fling Angie and her mom into the sun? "It's called discipline!" YOU ASSHOLE I WILL... -- "Isn't that a bit...extreme? Can't Angie go to classes? You know, become a better mom?" No it isn't 'extreme' she was beating her kid in a parking lot wtf is wrong with you -- "How can they do that?" "Do what?" Michelle made a vague gesture. "Take her child away. Permanently, I mean." Because. She. Beat. Him. And now she and her equally creepy mom have been stalking you guys for a week. You want a kid to go back to that house? -- oh god the self-immolation scene is creepy as HELL -- "But Sharon...she lost her daughter, her house. She probably won't get custody of her grandson." Because she defended her daughter for abusing the kid and viciously attacked the people who tried to protect him. HOW IS THIS HARD TO GRASP. Once is understandable, twice is worrisome, three times and I'm suspecting Michelle is actually part of the cult. -- "It just seems right that we should pay our respects." "I don't have any respects." GOOD -- Joe why are you at the funeral you were doing so well -- My love for Darrell is eternal -- okay so Bridget and Mitch are clearly creepy cultists moving in next door to keep an eye on them -- "You have a daughter of your own, don't you, Joe Crawford?" "My daughter is none of your business." "I'll decide what she is." Ohhhh no either kill her right now or move to Alaska maybe both because this isn't gonna end well -- "You're not using my silverware for that." *snerk* -- DO NOT DRINK THE WINE IF THE MARTINS GAVE IT TO YOU -- I'm loving Janz's writing style. I'm gonna buy all of his stuff assuming Little Stevie and Lily live through this (I am still not over Gage from Pet Sematary dangit) -- "You're a real asshole," Joe said, "but I'm not gonna kill you." this is a mistake joe -- ugggggh I *knew* Gentry was a creeper -- "He's better off without her." "You're probably right about that." "Damn right I am." There we go, Michelle! -- the way Darrell dealt with Gentry = GOLD -- "Lily napped and I worked on the computer." "That sounds rough." JOE. You are gonna get your butt kicked and rightly so. -- Why are you exploring the house alone Joe this is exactly how people die in horror movies -- I honestly thought when he opened the car door and realized the cult had left something for him that it was gonna be the remains of the couple's dog and I was gonna be traumatized forever -- Stop it you two you are not allowed to go into the creepy church when nobody knows where you are -- Darrell noooooooooooo -- WICKER MAN FLASHBACKS -- HECK YEAH MICHELLE I'M SORRY I EVER DOUBTED YOU -- I may well get '"Now ladies. You don't want to--" His forehead disintegrated' as a tattoo because ICONIC. -- "To get my son." I'm not tearing up you're tearing up -- 'The first cult member impaled himself like an energetic hors d'oeuvre' **cackling** -- 'He'd be damned if this scrawny psychopath would put a hole in his head with something Joe had purchased at Sears' <3 <3 <3 -- also Joe is never going to hire anyone for his construction business ever again -- From my kidlet: "Mom! Time for bedtime story!" noooooo mommy is 20 pages from the end of the book go play -- SHARON I STG -- 'The boy didn't smile, but he didn't look afraid. And that was something, Joe thought. That was something.' darnit Janz quit making me cry All in all, an incredible book. I love the supernatural tinges, but that it wasn't *so* supernatural that you were left with the feeling that Lily was irrevocably doomed. Angie's actions were more of a self-fulfilling prophecy than a supernatural decree, and since Little Stevie and Lily are growing up in a loving home, that cycle is going to be broken. It's my favorite kind of horror novel: dark and terrifying, but with hope left at the end. Wholeheartedly recommend. Disturbing as all hell, and I loved it. I've never been in a band, but the opening pages make me nostalgic for it anyway. "Then, right on cue, threw his fist in the air and for the first time in ten years summoned the dead to rise." 💗
I continually wanted to hit Caspian with a brick, and am 100% in love with Cassie and little Rox. A couple more favorite quotes: "Ever lie in bed at night and think back upon a childhood memory and it's like you return to that place in time? And it's sweet for a moment. Because you remember you were once sweet and innocent. And then you realize you have entered the body of a ghost. A version of you that no longer exists and never will again. And you wonder if you got from that precious time what you were meant to." ((Mr. Kirk are you ridiculously proud of those lines because you should be)) "There was a first person to strum a guitar and there will be a last. A first eye to open and a final one to close. Melody in between." Notes I took while reading: -- "What'd you think?" I shrugged. "Felt bad for that girl. Pretty grim little read." "Yours had a girl?" Me- o____O -- I am 20 pages in, freaked the hell out, and in love with this concept -- "I opened the door and got out, never once seeing the little button on the steering wheel containing a camera. Just like the one now watching you." OH HELL NO -- *trying to figure out what the chapter title runes mean* -- Man, this is going *hard* for still being so early in the book -- "Letters are true but the name is a lie"... Lamia? -- ilu Al and considering everything that makes me worry -- oh jesus 167-168 i have no words -- "Am I ready to see this? Are you?" NO I AM NOT. ...... *reads anyway* -- "She bit two of them, gouged out an eye, and ripped off half an ear." CASSIE YOU GODDESS Oh look, a key at the end for the runes!! Me, translating: WITH EVERY WORD YOU RMIND-- hey did I miss an E? Hm. No. --OPENS Ohhh, WITH EVERY WORD YOUR MIND OPENS well crap goodbye world Hadn't read any of his stuff before, but he's got more short story collections up and I'll gladly give them a go.
Some of the stories are weirdly sweet, like "House Spider"; some are gruesome as hell ("Yesterday Morning I Found Bloody Teeth in My Pocket", which was the sole DNF for me once I realized where it was going); and some are tragic: "Come See What's in the Tunnel" and "The Trick". If you haven't guessed already, the titles are great-- "I Convinced My Friend that I'm a Vampire. Now He's Hunting Me." "Everyone in my Town has Vanished Except for Me and the Demon." "I Thought My Neighbor was Dressing Up Like a Scarecrow." My favorites: "A Thing Called Candleheart Killed My Brother." "Ol' Mr. Horsehair" (SO MUCH body horror...) "Have You Ever Heard Whistling on a Lonely Road?" And the aforementioned "Scarecrow", which contains both one of my favorite horror monsters and this gem of a line: "I took all this in during the brief two-second window of shock and surprise before I lost my shit." 😄 |
A WORLD WITH A BLUER SUNMy reviews are set up a little like live-tweets: I write down lines I like/impressions as I read, and then transcribe. Reviews will contain spoilers, but I'll give a warning before they start. Archives
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