SYNOPSIS:
Aerial View: A suburban town in Texas. Everyone's got an automatic garage door opener. All the kids jump off a perilous cliff into a shallow river as a rite of passage. The sheriff is a local celebrity. You know this town. You're from this town. Zoom In: Homecoming princess, Lindsay. She's just barely escaped death at the hands of a brutal, sadistic murderer in a Michael Jackson mask. Up on the cliff, she was rescued by a horse and bravely defeated the killer, alone, bra-less. Her story is already a legend. She's this town's heroic final girl, their virgin angel. Monster Vision: Halloween masks floating down that same river the kids jump into. But just as one slaughter is not enough for Billie Jean, our masked killer, one victory is not enough for Lindsay. Her high school is full of final girls, and she's not the only one who knows the rules of the game. When Lindsay chooses a host of virgins, misfits, and former final girls to replace the slaughtered members of her original homecoming court, it's not just a fight for survival-it's a fight to become The Last Final Girl. There was a lot to love about this book (it began with a quote from Heathers; I was predisposed to adore every word). The style was half-screenplay half-novel, and though it took a little getting used to I really enjoyed it. If you've seen the story prompts on Tumblr that just get filled in bullet-point format, hitting the high points of a would-be story, that was what this reminded me of. ((not that this wasn't a full story, but that it always felt like it was jumping from action point to action point. Introspective horror this was not, but that's never what it pretended to be, either)). Scream is mentioned on the cover, which is appropriate, since the book constantly refers to other horror novels/movies and their tropes. Two minor characters are even 'fancast' as Robert Englund and Tony Todd. Most of the characters weren't people I could get attached to. And unlike in Adam Cesare's Tribesmen, where characters were playoffs of Cannibal Holocaust exploitation types, it felt like we were supposed to really care for, and that didn't ping for me. Absolutely worth a read, though; it's a fun take on the genre. Quotes/lines: ((spoilers beyond this point)) -- thank god, the horse lived. But OW -- 'something about his posture confirming for us that, yes, he was born with his shirt tucked in' -- "Don't you get an automatic A if a maniac killer stalks you for forty-eight hours of terror?" -- "Psycho cleanup, stall two," she says. Yes, Izzy, someoe who survived a suicide attempt not wanting you to glorify/wish for violence is completely psycho. -- "I was acting out earlier," Izzy says. "I can't, it's like I can't process it, all the violence. Maybe I didn't know how to cry, so I cried the only way I could, by trying to make everybody laugh?" I kinda hate you -- You know, Jamie, you could've just traded those kids the cigarettes without going into detail about the breasts of a near-murder victim, you creep -- "I knew she was fucked up," Izzy says, taking a pull off the bottle they seem to have as well. 'But this is beyond, right?" Okay, no more kinda, I 100% hate you -- "Tell me your middle name's Lee." <3 -- "You know better than to provoke him" ewwww go to hell Izzy's mom -- "You understand of course that doing all this, it gives me a pass on any future carnage, right?" **unending laughter** -- "Go!" Izzy yells, instead of what we expect: for her to stand up for those who can't stand up for themselves.' ...what part of making fun of a wounded victim, stealing a classmate's file, and helping a serial killer stay hidden would lead the audience to expect anything but this? She didn't hand over all the info to Jamie, but...yeah. A heroine this does not make. -- "Is this the--the boy's one?" she says, holding it up and away, trying not to touch it. "Your knee hurts, doesn't it?" the nurse says, satisfied with herself.' HA -- oh SHIT stuart -- "They're all asking for it," Izzy says, about the naked girls moving through the steam. "You're in here, too," Brittney says back. Thank you, Brittney -- 'pulls it up into the open air like a sacred golden statue. Meaning this is that moment before that boulder starts rolling.' Nice. -- 'And- is that background kindof shuffling? Are those leaves waking up?' I swear if these kids die because Izzy didn't turn the creep in... -- "How can it be poor taste if I turned it in before they traipsed off into the woods with targets on their backs?" Be more annoying -- Mr. Pleasence. But of course. :) -- "Then make Jane Austen your friend." "Frankenstein?" "Dickens." "God. Prick me, do I not bleed?" "Good, good, more like that." "I saw it in a Ron Jeremy movie," Izzy says. Yes, we get it, you are Edgy -- "It's Crystal," Brittney shrugs. UGH -- Can do without the slut-shaming, but I do love that April doesn't go for Izzy's "we're sisters now!" manipulative bs -- "You remind me of another seventeen-year old girl I used to know." "Oh yeah?" "Me," the librarian says, and walks away, Izzy wordless, pinned to her seat. YOW. -- 'They're all final girls.' <3 <3 <3 -- 'but real tragedy avoids the pure of heart, as I've learned' BARF -- "Can we please get this over with already," Izzy interrupts. For once I'm 100% in agreement with you -- "And you still don't have a date?" They just saw a guy burn in front of them wtf -- "The sheriff's dead, mom, and the janitor's dying, and we just buried six kids last week. Do you really think my having a date for a stupid dance is really the key issue?" "Or is somebody trying to deflect?" her mom says.' Izzy, I currently find you largely insufferable, but your mom is COMPLETELY insufferable, so congratulations you're an improvement -- "Billie Jean is coming back for her. With a little help from his friends." ... "Know what that take-home message is? Don't fuck with Izzy Stratford." what the hell is WRONG with you -- Kids making a sword down at the creek. This is fine. (("Will you come back more powerful than I could possibly imagine?" Ben you nerd)) -- "If you look under the mask, that means the fun's over." People are dead? -- "You've got the rest of your lives to be this stupid, and I trust that you're going to take full advantage no matter what I say." in this moment i love you -- Stratford is forever associated to me with 10 Things I Hate About You because it's Kat's last name and in short I want to like Izzy so much -- Crystal is my forever girl. -- This scene with Izzy and Ben is lovely. When Izzy's with most people, she seems like she's trying way too hard (or, like with the killer, just plain creepy) but I love her when she's with her little brother. -- "I thought you were cool now?" "Really? I never thought you were." There you go, April, tear out his heart and eat it in front of the entire party. -- 'is this really the image we want to project' shoo Lindsay -- No seriously April, I adore you. Nun-slash-assassin indeed. -- Team "two guys in the shower". Get out of there safely my queer children -- also this party. Gaaaaaah. Horrifying -- "Seriously?" she says, as if completely disgusted by who this is' I have to say goodbye, but just know that I still adore you. -- oh gee, did the serial killer you were hiding get away? Who could have predicted this could happen? ((seriously half your characterization is Horror-Loving-Girl; how did you not see this coming)) -- "Characterize this." ilu dante -- 'taking extra care to accidentally grind his camera into more pieces than it already is' Good. Creep. -- "Still wish it was you, brave girl?" Damn. Also if Crystal doesn't live I'm gonna riot. -- Ben. You brilliant darling. The stuck cars are genius and so very needed. -- "Everybody loves a good donkey show." pffffffffffft -- ((seriously, Wildfire should still be at a vet, not being paraded around as Lindsay's prop)) -- Brittney! You're alive! -- OH FUCK -- 'Izzy pulling anyway, still trying to save her' :( -- 'Wildfire screaming, blind, blood foaming at his nostrils' I told you this poor baby needed to be at a vet -- NEVER TRUST THE CREEPY REPORTER -- "How high's that vest go?" AUGH -- Ben. Please do not die. -- Crystal saved the goddamn day by flashing the serial killer I AM IN AWE -- "Is it, is it over?" Ben asks, a kid now, again. Like he should be. sweetie -- 'Crystal inserts her heel into Jamie's eye anyway, and pushes in' *end of Death Proof flashbacks* -- Dante is officially Chief Hopper in my mind I don't make the rules -- Izzy, I am just starting to like you. WTF ARE YOU DOING -- "He'll just be expecting you," she says. "Not me. That's our advantage." You need more backup than that!!! -- "It's not shoplifting if he's family." *nervous laughter* -- this is why you needed backup izzy -- Wildfire nooooooo (and what the hell is with the 'what you were wishing to see at the beginning' stuff? Narrator, you have issues) -- "Who says I'm into girls?" DANTE. MY LOVE. All in all, a fun little read. If you like this book, I'd recommend the movie Tragedy Girls (if you don't like it, I'll still recommend it, because that movie is amazing) ;)
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A WORLD WITH A BLUER SUNMy reviews are set up a little like live-tweets: I write down lines I like/impressions as I read, and then transcribe. Reviews will contain spoilers, but I'll give a warning before they start. Archives
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