SYNOPSIS:
Thirty years ago, cynical sleazeball director Tito Bronze took a tiny cast and crew to a desolate island. His goal: to exploit the local tribes, spray some guts around, cash in on the '80s Italian cannibal cinema craze. But the vengeful spirits of the island had other ideas. And before long, guts were squirting behind the scenes, as well. While the camera kept rolling... Both the cover and back description promise splatterpunk glory, and the book more than delivers. The characters are (with a couple of exceptions) so offensive and/or obnoxious that you can't wait for the machete. I admit to never seeing Cannibal Holocaust, the movie this book is paying homage to (I am not that hardc0re). Given that, there may be a few references or in-jokes that I missed, but if so, it didn't impede any enjoyment of the book. Lines and quotes: ((spoilers from here on in. Also, forewarning, so much racism in a lot of these quotes. So. Much.)) -------------------- -- If the *prologue* goes this hard I'm kinda nervous about the rest of the book. DAMN. -- 'Cannibal Fury Atrocity', I'm cackling -- "the Amazon has no monopoly on savages" "these Guinea bastards" okaaaaay so both Tito and Roland are creepy racist pricks. *hangs Victim #1 and Victim #2 signs around their necks* -- "I'm writing the script," Jacque said, closing his pencil inside the notebook, ready to talk. The script was halfway finished and it was a long flight. He had the time.' Procrastination at its finest. <3 -- "My exotic jezebel, my starlet for a new age, my mulatto Fay Wray for the 1980s" EW die in a fire Tito -- 'Over the few years he'd been working with him, Tito had always found new and ingenious ways to outdo his own tastelessness.' That's putting it mildly. -- "Oh, I'll just call it back with my magic telephone that can place calls to airplanes." "That is a real thing, you know. It's called a radio and I take it that means we don't have one." Jacque. <3 <3 <3 -- I like each chapter being from a different pov. -- 'She resolved to minimize contact with the crew for the next three days.' An excellent plan, Daria. -- "Why did you let it escape?" he asked Umberto. Yes. I am quite certain this group could have handled catching and killing a wild boar. -- 'He knew full well what Denny was going to do out in the jungle. The mouthy jig was torturing him. *Why did I think that? Jacque was a nice guy.* The need always made him edgy.' orrrrr you're a racist douche -- "I...I'm a diabetic." omfg you dumbass -- oh yay Tito has a gun I see no way this could possibly go wrong -- 'The branch had no give. It didn't bend, it didn't break: it just molted a bit more, revealing a smooth white interior. It wasn't a branch at all. It was a bone. A human femur.' YAAAAAAAAH -- 'How is it possible that Umberto was not making it with one of them right now? At least one of them!' help I don't know who I want to die first -- 'To begin, go back to the village and get a blade.' UM. -- BOIL THE WATER YOU DIPSHIT -- 'The film's pov shots had wheedled their way into his subconscious and kept him awake for three days straight (well, it was either John Carpenter or the speed)' *snerk* -- Denny realized that Tito had told his other two actors much more about the scene than he had translated into Italian for the girl. He had deliberately kept her unaware of what was going to happen.' What shitheels. (and yes, Jacque, that includes you. 'I'm sorry' my ass; if you were honestly sorry you wouldn't do it. I now want Daria and Cynthia to make it out and everyone else can get stung to death by scorpions thanks) -- well dammit. -- 'Nobody does anything until the boy gets more film in the camera.' O______o -- 'She would not back down. She would not stop hoping or fighting.' My girl. -- "Can I at least be allowed to sit down while I listen to this crazy horseshit?" Jacque asked. Heh. Still hate you, though. -- "I'm sorry," she said. "I know this wasn't your fault." There were tears in her eyes.' Cynthia is a far better person than I could ever be. -- "How long since you've slept?" a familiar voice asked at the back of his mind, he almost didn't recognize it at first. It had been so long since he had heard his own voice in his head.' Yikes. -- 'She was going to be tortured and mutilated by an idiot, in all likelihood not even in focus. It figured.' I love you Cynthia, please don't die -- "Fuck you," she said. He probably knew that one, had most likely heard it directed at him by a thousand different women in a dozen different languages.' A very, very safe bet. -- I like that ending for Jacque. I would've been irritated if he'd gotten off the island, after what he helped put Daria through. #DariaDeservedBetter
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A WORLD WITH A BLUER SUNMy reviews are set up a little like live-tweets: I write down lines I like/impressions as I read, and then transcribe. Reviews will contain spoilers, but I'll give a warning before they start. Archives
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