Synopsis: A meek man enters a spooky theater for an all-night horror movie triple bill. An unscrupulous contractor messes with the wrong family. A single other discovers a bizarre link between her son and an unspeakable Lovecraftian horror. A con artist posing as an outcast from an Amish church gets more than he bargained for in the Indiana forest. And a college professor eager to make money by solving a decades-old cannibal atrocity learns the true meaning of terror in the Great Smoky Mountains.
In this collection of rarely-collected nightmares, you'll find tales of suspense, dread, and madness. It's time to take a journey to Jonathan Janz's Shadow Side. The second of the Night Worms exclusive books. Half the stories in this collection--Witching Hour Theatre, Old Order, and The Clearing of Travis Coble--are all available as individual short stories on Amazon. A Southern Evening had a nice twist to it and Witching Hour Theatre was wonderfully nostalgic, both in a "the community of late-night horror movies" sense and the "eighties slasher flicks" sense, but my favorite in this collection was Throwing Monsters. Quotes/Lines ((spoilers below!)) OLD ORDER -- I've known you for two and a half pages, Horace, and that's two and a half too long. -- "Dinner won't be ready for a while anyway, so you'll have plenty of good daylight to work." Ha. -- "What's that supposed to mean?" "It means you'll be gone by first light, a meal in your belly and your hands as soft as when you came." Call him out, Deek. <3 -- no wait I take it back, Deek, you can die too -- "I know who you are," the old woman said. "What I want to know is why you're in my house." Hi Agnes! ilu -- Agnes seems like such a goodhearted person (though I do hope it's a front so she can eat Horace's brain) -- Um, Belinda? Wha...? -- "Don't you have family?" "Haven't seen 'em in years." Probably because you do things like spy on girls when they're bathing you creep -- Okay what the heck is going on, is this some kind of fertility ritual? -- Please tell me all this expensive jewelry lying around the house is from all the people they've killed. -- "Or perhaps she would remember him fondly, a daring rogue who'd loved her and left without saying goodbye." ....ew. -- That's so cute, that you think they're calling the police instead of firing up the barbecue grill. -- "...Demeter..." Ooooh, harvest-related creepiness/sacrifice? -- Okaaaaaay I did NOT expect this to veer into rape/lobotomization. (I do appreciate the horrifying reveal as to what the 'pigs' are, but I'm not going to be reading this one again. Also, their nakedness 'revealing' that Daniel and Jimmy have vaginas-- why is that there? Why add that detail? Because it reads like a continuation of "look how weird and scary this family is" and ummmm.) On to the next one. Yeah. THE CLEARING OF TRAVIS COBLE -- ...does anyone know you're out here, Myers? -- You're meeting someone who's intelligent and prone to mind games *alone*? Yeahhh, this is gonna end well for you. -- 'Coble was innocent so there was no real danger in talking to him.' PFFFT. -- Uncle, wife, and kids disappeared without a trace? You are going to die. Only question is whether you find the bodies first. -- If this guy gets a hold of your notebook, you are TOAST. (well, I mean, even more than you already are) -- "I'll be going then." Wishful thinking... -- 'Ike was unbuckling his belt.' oh come onnnn A SOUTHERN EVENING -- 'and the goddamned Benbow urchins swarming all over the property like shabbily-dressed gnats' Aren't you a peach. -- 'Why couldn't men be men for a change?' yawwwwwwwn -- ...hang on just a minute is this character's name Mike Pence -- 'God, if those girls had been inside when the whole thing caved, there really would have been problems. Publicity like that could sabotage a project, not to mention harpooning a career.' *calling Melody from Wolf Land down on you* -- Tabitha, stab this condescending douche with a steak knife -- 'so far removed from civilization' Oh good, so the Benbows can kill you without interruption! -- 'His pants had been lowered to his ankles.' If this is another rape ending I am putting this book down. -- Aw, not the kids, they had nothing to do with this. -- 'what *happened* to Molly'? You remain, as always, a jackass. -- Fantastic twist there; I love it. THROWING MONSTERS -- "The monster only eats little boys who throw things when they're not supposed to." This is going to backfire on you SO hard. (I mean, the temptation is there as a parent, I get it, but it's not worth it) -- 'She hadn't meant to plant the idea, but she could see her words working on imagination, conjuring ghastly creatures and generally scaring the shit out of him. "Yes," she pressed on. "The Hitting Monster. The Screaming Monster." This poor kid. -- 'No apology. Eric never apologized. It was a point of pride for him.' Sounds like a real sweetheart. -- Not 'and her child would be *dead*' but 'and she'd get thrown in jail for neglect'? Go get eaten by that basement monster you just created somehow. -- "Were you watching him?" A beat. "Of course I was watching him." "How much did you see him drink?" "I didn't see him drink it." NOT THE TIME just explain so that poor kid can get help! -- 'but a couple of times--okay, a few times--she'd shaken him by the shoulders. If he'd only listen.' ... 'God, she thought. She loved him so much, but why did being a mom have to be so *hard*?' Ohh, hon. You need a therapist or at the very least someone to help watch the kiddo and a friend to talk to. -- Call. The. Cops. ((okay, depending, I mean they'd likely blame her for sleeping with Eric in the first place and therefore 'deserving' this shit.)) SOMEONE get the kid out of here, though. -- no no no NO do NOT go into the basement guard your child's door until the police get there. And CALL TOM. -- Bittersweet ending, it fits really well. And nice last line. WITCHING HOUR THEATRE -- 'He slid his hands into his coat pockets and crossed the street, careful to avoid a beat-up van dragging its muffler behind it like a spilled intestine.' -- A movie theater that shows a horror triple feature every Friday sounds like heaven and I want one -- Sid Haig!! :( -- "The feeling of community of sitting around a giant campfire with a group of old friends, was strong tonight." <3 -- "You could sit with me." "That would be nice." Aw, they're cute. -- 'Getting beaten to a pulp had to be better than feeling like a coward. Maybe.' Heh. -- I understand, Goth girl, that's when I would've left, too. -- You are gonna logic yourself into an early death Wilson. -- 'He had to go back inside because if he didn't, he might as well be dead anyway.' Your'e a good guy. Hope the two of you make it. -- Use one of the metal film reels! Better than nothing! -- Good boy. -- 'Both killers couldn't be dead. It was too soon.' This guy has seen Halloween. -- "You're a sick woman," he said, grinning despite himself.' <3 -- "One movie might be enough for tonight." They're still cute.
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SYNOPSIS: Aside from a quaint amusement park, the small town of Lakeview offers little excitement for Duane, Savannah, and their friends. They’re about to endure their ten-year high school reunion when their lives are shattered by the arrival of an ancient, vengeful evil.
The werewolf. The first attack leaves seven dead and four wounded. And though the beast remains on the loose and eager to spill more blood, the sleepy resort town is about to face an even greater terror. Because the four victims of the werewolf’s fury are changing. They’re experiencing unholy desires and unimaginable cravings. They’ll prey on the innocent and the depraved. They’ll settle old scores and act on their basest desires. Soon, they’ll plunge the entire town into nightmare. Lakeview is about to become Wolf Land. WEREWOLVES!!! One of my first horror loves, and in a book written by Jonathan Janz (who's more than made my auto-buy list). I knew I'd love this one, and I did, but there are a couple of caveats I need to add for other readers. An author's note at the beginning says, "This one, friends, is dark-- probably darker than anything I've ever written." I wrote in my notebook, "fingers crossed this refers to level of violence and not sexual assault". I now laugh sadly at my former self, because HOLY SHIT. People with rape triggers will want to be careful of this one. A lead character suffers extreme sexual abuse at the hands of her father and brothers, and there are references/memories of child molestation. There's a lot of misogyny in general here, from the horrifying example above to the more commonplace "not allllll men hey I'm a nice guy why won't you date me" variety. It's not rewarded by the text in any way, the people who deserve a comeuppance most certainly get one, but it's still a rough read. That said, I'm a huge fan of Janz's writing style-- the characters always feel real, whether you're rooting for them or hoping they get cannonballed into the sun-- and I know to time reading his endings after the kids go to bed because the final battle scenes move like bullets and Mom Is Not Getting Interrupted Thanks. This is a fast-paced, almost splatterpunk style read, and if you know you can handle the stuff mentioned above then absolutely grab a copy. Again, werewolves. ;) Quotes/Lines: ((spoilers below!)) -- Awww, the dedication. Jack Ketchum. <3 -- ...I like the sound of the Antonov sisters and hope they're referenced again, though the blonde, black and red hair has me picturing the Hocus Pocus witches oops -- "You had sex with girls back in high school, Glenn. What makes it so different now?" Die by werewolf, Weezer. And yes, Duane, why *do* you hang out with him? His scintillating conversational skills and enviable morals? -- "That's the problem with the world," Weezer said meditatively. "Not enough honesty. I say what's on my mind, and you two get all high and mighty on me." Throw him from the carrrrrr -- Oh Duane, sweetie, I'm sorry your parents were dickheads (you still need to throw Weezer from the car though) -- So, Mike, you lie to an 18-year old and tell her you're her age instead of 22. You lie to women about what you've actually been through to get them to sleep with you. Also, 'hot Hispanic chick'? 'some skank'? You're fucking gross, stay away from Savannah. -- So far Barb is my favorite -- oh god why are in Weezer's pov he's loathsome enough I don't need to be seeing his creepy-ass thoughts -- "Here's what's going to happen," she said slowly. "You're going to walk away and not talk to me again tonight." Her eyes swept him up and down. "Preferably not ever. I'm not interested in you. At all. Does that make sense?" HOT DAMN MELODY I LOVE YOU -- 'Duane hoped Melody hadn't been too vicious with him.' WHY? Why would you hope that when you *know* what he's like?? -- Aw, Joyce. *hugs* -- 'It was Glenn's friend, the one who looked like he'd own a Confederate flag.' OHHHHHHH -- 'Joyce took a moment to appraise him more carefully.' Nope, do *not* go down that road, you had it right the first time. -- 'Nor would it help to point out that Melody was a walking petri dish who was probably carrying about thirty strands of venereal disease.' Yes. Please denigrate another woman to soothe this predator of high-school girls. Good choice. -- oh good Weezer just went into the woods alone heeeeere werewolf -- GAH MIKE. ((also Glenn, damn. I have some problems with your choice of friends but that was honorable. Good on you.)) -- "Won't you flee so I can experience the pleasure of running you down?" Yeah, that'd be time for 'I don't have to outrun the werewolf, I just have to outrun you'. See ya, former classmates, I'm already gone -- Joyce, as much as I appreciate the 'I have to try' sentiment, you are gonna die -- Savannah just choked a werewolf with barbed wire I'm gonna propose -- "Run," he muttered to Savannah. "Fuck you," she said.' **heart eyes** -- oh no Melody is a werewolf now nooooo -- 'It was common knowledge she'd known a lot of guys. Not that Duane had ever enjoyed the privilege.' NOT THE TIME DUDE. -- Okay so Glenn, Melody, and Joyce are all wounded but still alive. According to the back cover, that leaves one more to turn. -- NO not Weezer he's awful enough without getting werewolf strength come on -- oh MELODY. It's okay, you're a werewolf now, go eat your brothers -- shit, your dad too. Eviscerate him he deserves it. -- oh god the possum ew ew EW -- Bubba Ho-Tep! <3 <3 <3 -- "Who's in it?" "Bruce Campbell." "Who?" *gasp* SAVANNAH. -- okay unless Melody goes full wolf and murders the hell out of her family I do *not* want to read the pole barn scene I'm just gonna skim until I see justified violence -- "Why're you growling, girl?" KILL 'EM ALL, SWEETHEART -- what no why are they still alive dammit -- "I've been good to you, Savannah. I've treated you like an honest-to-goodness person." Soooo now that you've been nice you get sex? -- "It's certainly my business because I've been the one who's treated you with respect." Just stop while you're way behind, Duane. -- "I was the one who stayed behind, who held you while you bawled." Her eyes narrowed. "And you did it all out of the kindness of your heart, didn't you? You didn't have any ulterior motive." GET HIM. -- "No matter what he does, all guys are evil sex maniacs." Evil sex maniacs? Nope. Some liable to fall for "waaaaah I'm a Nice Guy why won't you sleep with me and give me a chance" bullshit? Yep. -- "But it's possible," he pressed on, "that guys can be good people too." Not any of the ones in this book. gtfo with your whiny entitled 'no *you're* the superficial one' bullshit. And if you so much as think the word 'friendzone'... -- "That'd be fitting," he said, "since I'm the one who got him to sleep." You did NOT just... Do you want a goddamn cookie? She's been taking care of her child for *years* and you think an hour of bedtime stories makes you a hero? -- okay no I'm not done you want her to know you're a good guy, that you're trustworthy, but you're close friends with someone like Weezer? That tells her that *you* are unsafe, because you don't care enough about the hateful shit he says to ever give him consequences. -- 'But Mya knew she had a great body, and that could often contaminate what was between the ears.' Go meet a silver bullet, Glenn. -- ((I do however agree that Patricia Arquette in True Romance was *amazing*. I haven't seen that in forever. Need to rewatch sometime.)) -- 'on his own he knew he'd never have the guts to separate one of them from the herd' THEY'RE NOT GAZELLES, DICK. -- 'Was the man gay?....How did one go about turning down a homosexual proposition?' Y'know what, I...yeah. Go away, Duane. Keep going. Further... -- Duane as a kid painting the picture window white the protect the birds is so sweet. -- "Oh, shut up for a second, would you? You're either staring at my tits or treating me like I'm the Queen of England. Just pretend I'm a person for once." SAVANNAH. -- "Great," Duane said. "Time to trot out the negative male stereotypes." "Duane?" "What?" "Shut your goddamned mouth." "What if I don't want to?" "I'll rip off your nut sack and drop it down the garbage disposal." We're going to have a spring wedding. -- "It's like I need a goddamned translator." No you don't. You just don't want to hear what she's saying. Shut up and take the opportunity, because she didn't have to give you this chance. -- "We didn't choose this. .... But we can make the most of it." Um, Joyce? Honey? You okay over there? -- Melody!! Hi sweetheart -- "I know what she's trying to say," Barb said, "because she said it. We don't need you to interpret for us." BARB c'mere I'm gonna hug you -- Man, the rest of that chapter. Barb you are my current favorite please live -- "I'm tired, Joyce. Down to my bones. I want some rest. Plus, I think I ate a muskrat." *cackling* -- someone go shoot Weezer repeatedly and *fast* -- "Please don't hurt me" too fucking late for that you abusive s.o.b. die horribly and take most of your kids with you -- oh shit Melody *no* you deserve a chance at life without them -- Short Pump ((Duane)) glared at Barb. "What do you have against him? You ever talked to him?" YOU HAVE. You know what Weezer's like; you know that she's right. -- "Why not appeal to my better nature? Maybe I'll spare you if I see the error of my ways." "I don't need sparing." godDAMN Barb -- This fight scene holy shit -- 'And even if Weezer had spoken offensively to Savannah, at heart he was the same tortured kid he'd always been.' 1) IF?!?!? 2) yes, yes, poor baby, bullied as a kid and so had no choice but to grow up and become a misogynistic predator. I'm crying for him right now. -- I was hoping they were the Three! -- oh god Jessica and the kiddos *are* dead dammit Weezer why are you still alive -- Joyce is so damn brave. -- Duane hitting a werewolf with a chair. You dumbass. <3 -- BARB. I'm composing your superhero theme song as we speak -- ohhhhh shit we found Joyce's trigger -- MELODY FUCK YEAHHHHH -- 'Duane glanced down at Barb's bloody shirt, and wondered how the woman wasn't dead yet.' Because Barb, that's how. -- noooooooo I can't believe I have to go around with a 'Justice for Barb' pin AGAIN -- 'To kill Weezer, which wouldn't be such a loss.' I love that you're snarky even as a werewolf, Melody. -- 'And by God, Melody thought, she wasn't escaping from one prison to willfully enter another. Fuck that." If Melody dies I riot. -- Joyce. You did so, so well. -- 'Enabler. The word imprinted itself in his mind's eye. You're an enabler. You're part of the problem, one of the reasons why scum like Weezer end up victimizing innocent kids.' Good, NOW you get it! -- NO Savannah never turn your back until it's definitely dead did you never watch Halloween -- Duane a whole bunch of children are about to be massacred this may not be the time to make notes on a woman's butt -- 'With a start, Duane realized Weezer was eyeballing the children. His chest was heaving, there was an unwholesome look in his eyes. And...holy shit. Weezer had an erection.' So we're done defending him now? Maybe should've listened to Barb and Savannah when they told you what he was? Should've listened to Weezer himself when he made comment after comment? DO BETTER NEXT TIME assuming you live through this -- Miss Hayward you'd better get Teacher of the Year -- 'You should have helped him see more. You should have believed in him.' Not your job. You were busy raising a kid, and he was still hanging around Weezer. He's an adult. -- Wolf Land, in which Savannah, Our Lady of Improvised Weaponry, fights off a werewolf with a goddamned BELT -- 'He had just about resolved to drop-kick the yellow werewolf in the face like some flabby Caucasian Bruce Lee' *snerk* -- Melody stopped to make sure the dogs didn't starve I love 1) amazing werewolf. SYNOPSIS:
Ten writers are selected for a summer-long writing retreat with the most celebrated and reclusive author in the world. Their host is the legendary Roderick Wells. Handsome, enigmatic, and fiendishly talented, Wells promises to teach his pupils about writing, about magic, about the untapped potential that each of them possesses. Most of all, he plans to teach them about the darkness in their hearts. The writers think they are signing up for a chance at riches and literary prestige. But they are really entering the twisted imagination of a deranged genius, a lethal contest pitting them against one another in a struggle for their sanity and their lives. They have entered into Roderick Wells’s most brilliant and horrible creation: The Dark Game. The setup is very Agatha Christie, and I'm a sucker for "small group of people trapped in a house and bad things happen" plots. Creepy writer's workshop is an added bonus. I loved what this one had to say about creativity and the eternity of the written word, for good or bad. Lines/reactions: ((spoilers beyond this point)) 'She chewed a thumbnail, a hundred horror movies flashing through her head. Why was it always a woman who got hacked to pieces?' I constantly ask the same, Lucy. -- 'Bryan's smirk faded. "I write fact-based survival stories." A corner of Tommy's mouth rose. "Personality like yours, I bet you know a lot about being alone." OHHHHH. (also, I hate alpha-male bullshit like Bryan's. 'next time make sure you don't insult a collegiate wrestler' oh my GOD just go jerk off to a confederate flag somewhere and leave the rest of humanity alone -- 'He wasn't, but he'd rather catheterize himself with a lit sparkler than discuss politics.' lol -- 'Because something is following me, and half the reason I'm here is to escape it?' Hey maybe whatever is following you can eat Bryan instead -- "Why, so they can ask me what went wrong?" Anna sobered. "Your critics can fuck themselves." ilu, Anna. Though you do have a bit of an I'm Your #1 Fan! vibe. -- 'No doubt cataloging some piece of minutiae with which to annoy future readers.' Perfect. -- "You need to get in shape," Bryan called over his shoulder. And you need to take a long walk off a short pier. -- "Before we proceed, you must submit yourselves to me. You must prepare to withstand extreme conditions, both physical and emotional." He's going to suck out your souls so he can maintain eternal life RUN -- oh man that prize though -- "Just what the hell did happen to the other nine writers in the first contest?" What did I just say? Souls got eaten, try to keep up. -- "If you lose, there are always the pills," her agent's voice reminded her. ... "I gave you your shot, and you blew it. You let us all down, little lady." oh sweetheart get yourself a new agent this one is a dick -- (he's not a man) oh shit -- "If you bow at the altar of the right person, you're accorded privileges." She glanced at Lucy. "Like big advances and glowing reviews." C'mon, Elaine, don't be that passive-aggressive asshat. -- 'Elaine gaped at him. She glanced from face to face, searching for an ally.' If not for the aforementioned sniping at your fellow writers, you might have one. -- 'Bryan looked pleadingly at the others, but no one came to his defense.' this is my shocked face -- oookay I thought Anna was an obsessive fan but no, she's SO much worse. -- 'Evan Laydon sniffed and told them his story idea was 'upmarket' and 'high-concept', whatever the hell that meant.' I bet it means a college professor main character has a wrought affair with a student. -- "You have any idea how illegible my handwriting is?" I hear you, Will. -- "It's called The Siren and the Specter" heh -- "I'm not going to discover you sunbathing naked, am I?" "I prefer a two-piece." <3 -- 'No way had Clayton bedded as many girls as Tommy had." Yawn. Just whip them out and measure already, guys. -- 'Suzy, who was seventeen but had the mental capacity of a four-year old.' okay I hate Bryan but you get to die first -- oh Suzy sweetheart -- 'but the memories far, far worse' Yeah, poor baby. Truly, you are the one who suffered here. -- "I'm already comfortable in your presence." BARF -- This scene with Marek and the cop is goddamned terrifying -- 'the man looked younger than he had in the library' I TOLD YOU. SOUL-EATER. -- "I know you had issues with reality, but I never guessed they were this severe." you gaslighting s.o.b. -- "Am I wrong?" "About Bryan and Tommy?" Will asked. "Probably not. About all men.." not the time, Will -- I love Sherilyn. -- "He's all bluster," Will said. Famous last etc. -- ...Rick's mom is a badass -- "Was it illegal when he was only twenty?" I. Hate. You. So. Much. -- 'But like I said, I was only seventeen, and if seventeen sounds old enough to you, please not that Zendie was already twenty-eight.' Ohhhh, Sherilyn. I will not only bitchslap him, I will bitchslap your mom for encouraging this. -- "One secret for every article of clothing." Yeah. All bluster. Nothing to see here. -- 'but the brass door handles gleamed like they'd just been installed' THE HOUSE EATS SOULS TOO -- "Escape now." O_______o -- The thing in the crate from Creepshow! <3 -- ngl I really want Sherilyn to get that money -- 'He still needs water, Will thought.' oh sweetie. Given what type of book this is, you're not going to be rewarded for this, but you're a good kid. -- "I'm not going to tell on you." ...oh SHIT. -- oh god why are Anna and Bryan teaming up they're horrible enough on their own -- 'Could I have stopped what happened to you?' Ummm...yes. -- 'Great girl. Might be the one. But so frigid. So insensitive to his needs.' You have two hands for a reason, Jake. Also, go to hell. -- Justine! :( -- 'She could be abrasive at times, but this? No one deserved this.' Wellllllll (he is technically right, though; she deserves worse) -- "You're our host, not our warden." I like you Sherilyn please run -- "What do you know of power?" "I know that a truly strong person doesn't use it to intimidate." Riiiick. <3 -- "I'm happy to say you behaved exactly as I thought you would." SHERILYN. MY HEART IS YOURS. -- "You just ripped my manuscript apart. I want to make sure Sherilyn is held to the same standards." Lucy glared at Anna. "Why wouldn't she be?" "Her race," Bryan said. As if you two don't suck enough already -- ...okay Evan you've convinced me you can die now. -- yay -- things are ratcheted up to eleven and we are halfway through the book. *bites nails* -- all right, Will's being brought into the group! -- I really, really hope that Justine's ghost shows up and throws Anna from the roof. -- Jack Ketchum! <3 -- "Fuck fear." I'm just going to assume this is from an actual conversation with Ketchum. -- 'He shook his head. "Lucy doesn't need to be saved." Good man. -- Will NO you're a good guy and that is going to get you killed. -- "You were only, what, a third of the way in?" oh Rick honey no. -- okay so as someone with suicidal ideation this scene with Lucy's attempted suicide is HARD. -- "Anti-anxiety," she said. Thought about it. "There's irony in there somewhere." oh sweetie -- "You should not mock me," the maid said. HOLY SHIT -- Will nooooo -- 'of young tourists attacked by carnivorous plants inside an ancient ruin' I understood that reference! -- Will you're alive! -- 'Was it any less than he deserved?' Honey, 1) you were a kid, and 2) he raped and murdered people. 'that poor man' nah -- since you're punchy and hurting I will forgive you the 'gypsy curse' thing. If you get out of this, learn about the fact that that's a racial slur -- "I was a monster," Bates said. "But damned if I was born that way." *Jake Peralta voice* Cool motive, still murder. -- GET HIM LUCY -- Lucy grinned. "Am I wicked-looking?" "You look like a drowned muskrat." Heh -- 'Will said, "I'll go in first." Lucy just gave him a look.' "We can talk about sexism in survival situations when I get back"-- Ellie Sattler, ultimate role model -- 'He could, however, try to vanquish Wells in The Magical King.' He's gonna write his way out. I love it. -- Will stared up at Wells, breath heaving. Then, his face seemed to clear. "You lose, Mr. Wells." Good on you, Will. -- Oh good, new agent. -- Is the Fred Astaire murders villain still out there like Wells said? -- yessssss at least Sherilyn got her wish -- "I was just wondering what it's like to expend so much energy wishing failure on others." THAT'S MY GIRL -- ....question answered. SYNOPSIS:
When David Caine, a celebrated skeptic of the supernatural, is invited by an old friend to spend a month in “the most haunted house in Virginia,” he believes the case will be like any other. But the Alexander House is different. Built by a 1700s land baron to contain the madness and depravity of his eldest son, the house is plagued by shadows of the past and the lingering taint of bloodshed. David is haunted, as well. For twenty-two years ago, he turned away the woman he loved, and she took her life in sorrow. And David suspects she’s followed him to the Alexander House. Long story short, I loved it. I'd decided with The Nightmare Girl that Janz was going onto my auto-buy list and this solidified my decision. David was a fascinating, frustrating main character (he reminded me of Steven from Haunting of Hill House- I alternated between wanting to keep him safe and wanting to shake him). Jessica is fantastic and badass, and the side characters are very memorable (both the good and the bad. Ughhhh, Honey. 😬) The notes I took: -- haunted house story HELL YES -- "I should probably get groceries." "You probably should," Ralph said. "Then again, maybe you shouldn't rest on ceremony and pass up free burgers and beer." I would like to live next to Ralph -- "The disappointment of a reader, not a believer. You wanna know the ride's been worthwhile. You want there to be a payoff." "So I should make one up?" He was aware of the edge in his voice but made no effort to soften it. Ralph's criticism was familiar. Why did people crave dishonesty? David, buddy, if you're sure you won't like the answer you may not want to ask the question. -- 'Two stories, brick, probably worth half a million. It was like a contracter had plopped the house here to strike back at a conservationist with whom he'd been feuding.' GREAT LINE. -- 'The kid put his hands on his hips. "You a retard or something?" "That's a lousy word." "Mom uses it." Oh I'm gonna hate the Shelbys sfm -- 'He'd be here a month. Even in a place this remote, he was bound to run into Mr. and Mrs. Shelby eventually. Why not get it out of the way?' No. Bad instinct. Just take your chances with the ghosts. -- Shelby forced a smile. "Children are a trial, Mr. Caine. You're blessed you never had any." Your daughter is Right There you asshole -- okay, so the ghosts eat the parents and the kids go to an actual caring home this is my dream -- that little carved canoe wtf that is not right -- "The part that keeps me up at night...the part I've never gotten over...it's that what happened to that family...those poor kids...it happened on my watch." **hugs Ralph** -- "That's Oxrun Park" Oxrun? Nice. <3 -- "I cared about her, too." "Would you stop the bullshit niceties?" David half-smiled. "It was almost a quarter of a century ago." Chris is gonna punch you and you're going to deserve it. -- "You don't belong in that house." Mike Jr. gave him a wry look. "Hell, I know that. Why you think I'm over here?" Oh sweetie -- I will never own a bed that doesn't rest on the floor ever again. -- "I didn't see anything," he said I stg if you get those babies killed because you're too stubborn to admit what was right in front of you... -- "I forgot there was a caretaker." She gave him a look. "Who do you think mows the lawn? The Bell Witch?" I like you, kid. -- "That," Anna said, an eyebrow arched, "would never happen because it would require you to change." YOW. -- "Don't look at me like that, Mr. Caine," the woman said. "You already knew I was a woman. Finding out I'm also black can't be that much of a shock." Sheriff Harkless is my new favorite -- "Honey's father. He's the Mayor of Lancaster." okay new plan, the ghosts eat the parents *and* the awful grandfather, and then the kids go to the Sheriff. -- David couldn't meet the older man's eyes. "Those are movies." "Did you listen to the shit you just told me?" RALPH. <3 -- "I'm not ready to embrace the irrational." "Of course you're not. You've gotta be a stubborn dipshit and have more proof shoved in your face." A mirthless chuckle. "Maybe get a couple of your friends killed." Ralph leveled a finger at him. "I'm not going over there with you, by the way, so I'll save you the trouble of asking." You say that now Ralph but please go stay in a motel or something before David changes your mind -- "It's like magic," Ralph said. "Just like that you've got it all explained." "It's easier to swallow than--" "Than the possibility you don't know everything?" just imagine I have posted every "BURN!!!" gif in existence right here -- "Was it you, Chris, or did you hire an actor?" You are gonna die from pure unadulterated stubborn dumbassery and I just hope you don't take anyone else with you -- "Trying to make me feel bad..." "...so manipulative" gaslighting ass -- 'The part he couldn't get over was that when Chris called to tell him she was dead, David wasn't surprised.' fuuuuuuck youuuuuu ((and that makes the earlier 'it was almost a quarter of a century ago' even WORSE because her little brother, her little sister, her dad already was fighting cancer and then he had to go through the worst grief imaginable and he's all 'well, it was a long time ago')) -- and I know he's not responsible for Anna's actions but for him to be so *dismissive* about it with another person who cared for her...RGH. -- "Why did you call Harkless on me?" "A woman lives alone, she has to be vigilant." "I seem dangerous to you?" wow you really don't spend any time around women do you -- I hope Jessica is Anna's little sister all grown up and she kicks your ass -- Ivyyyyyyyy no please be safe kidlet -- 'Harkless bent, retrieved the vodka bottle-- 'Grey Goose, the label read-- and without hesitation dumped its entire contents over Honey's head. marry me -- HOT DAMN I CALLED IT -- "You didn't even look into what happened to her, did you? That's how self-centered you are." oh mannnn i can understand not doing it immediately afterwards but over two decades you never even... DAVID. COME ON. -- ghosts. eat the mayor already. you are not doing your job. -- "Do you have any idea who I am?" "We know," the woman from CPS said. "Unfortunately." Heh. Get him, Tina. -- "You punched me in the face." "You deserve worse." *heart eyes* -- "What I need from you is open-mindedness. Actual, authentic open-mindedness, not that condescending humoring attitude you usually have." I think she just turned David into a smoking cinder -- Alicia do not deliver candy to him he can get it his own damn self at least leave it on the porch pls do not go inside -- "I don't believe my sister committed suicide. I think she was murdered." ohhhhhhhh that makes SO much sense (esp considering that it took place in that house) but it still blindsided me. -- GAH alicia noooo -- "Not at all," Baldwin said, in that same maddeningly reasonable tone. "But I do find your anger interesting." go straight to hell do not pass go do not collect $200 -- "But..." "But there comes a point where disbelief turns into stupidity." "I'd say we got there quite a while ago." Have I told...you lately...that I love you -- "Five minutes. Ten tops." "That's what Alicia said. IF YOU GET RALPH KILLED I WILL-- -- "Isn't that reason to do this? For her?" ohhhh you little weasel -- "...made me promise to send him people every now and then." OH SHIT -- do not even bring up the possibility of Harkless being involved i am still mourning Ralph -- "How do we get started?" she asked, ignoring him. "Do y'all mutter some incantations? Sacrifice a llama?" I will start a riot if you die Harkless -- Charlie Templeton you BADASS -- "Oh, fuck this," Harkless said, and rose. **composing sonnets** -- 'The leering thing had left off Katherine's corpse, was staring at him. No, he amended. Not at *him*. At the blood on his forearm.' AHHHHH as if those things aren't creepy enough -- IVY. SOMEBODY CALL AN EXORCIST. -- oh god Chris is not only scum he's Nice Guy Incel scum. "When I was right in front of her!" fuck offffffffff ((Anna deserved better friends/boyfriend material darnit)) -- Jessica has remembered her Hatpin Panic and used the history lesson well -- "Do you believe yet?" she asked. I BELIEVE I AM TRAUMATIZED -- I love that David follows the 'out of bullets? gonna throw the gun at you' reflex -- ANNA. The young women! IVY. my heart cannot handle this -- "Oh, that. It's super-soldier serum. Like they give Captain America." Mike looked at him blankly. Then he scowled. "You're full of shit." I love this kid -- "I'm scared of myself." don't mind me i'm just over here sweeping up the shattered pieces of my heart -- Harkless has the kiddos yesssssssssssss -- "Run." Annnnnd a sweet, haunting (ha) scene turns terrifying with a single word And thus ends my longest review so far. ;) There's just so much to react to in these books! Up next is either Wolf Land or Savage Species (on the Janz front, there *is* a new Kealan Patrick Burke out...) SYNOPSIS:
When family man Joe Crawford confronts a young mother abusing her toddler, he has no idea of the chain reaction he’s setting in motion. How could he suspect the young mother is part of an ancient fire cult, a sinister group of killers that will destroy anyone who threatens one of its members? When the little boy is placed in a foster home, the fanatics begin their mission of terror. Soon the cult leaders will summon their deadliest hunters―and a ferocious supernatural evil―to make Joe pay for what he’s done. They want Joe’s blood and the blood of his family. And they want their child back. This is an intense book, to the point where I had to stop myself from growling at the characters and then having to explain to the kids why. 😄 I love that it starts off in high gear (in the hardest scene in the book to get through), stays tense the whole way through, and then somehow manages to kick it up even more at the end. Hell of a book, and I'm absolutely spending my @flametreepress coupon on more Janz stories. Notes I took while reading! -- How much do I want to be able to physically fling Angie and her mom into the sun? "It's called discipline!" YOU ASSHOLE I WILL... -- "Isn't that a bit...extreme? Can't Angie go to classes? You know, become a better mom?" No it isn't 'extreme' she was beating her kid in a parking lot wtf is wrong with you -- "How can they do that?" "Do what?" Michelle made a vague gesture. "Take her child away. Permanently, I mean." Because. She. Beat. Him. And now she and her equally creepy mom have been stalking you guys for a week. You want a kid to go back to that house? -- oh god the self-immolation scene is creepy as HELL -- "But Sharon...she lost her daughter, her house. She probably won't get custody of her grandson." Because she defended her daughter for abusing the kid and viciously attacked the people who tried to protect him. HOW IS THIS HARD TO GRASP. Once is understandable, twice is worrisome, three times and I'm suspecting Michelle is actually part of the cult. -- "It just seems right that we should pay our respects." "I don't have any respects." GOOD -- Joe why are you at the funeral you were doing so well -- My love for Darrell is eternal -- okay so Bridget and Mitch are clearly creepy cultists moving in next door to keep an eye on them -- "You have a daughter of your own, don't you, Joe Crawford?" "My daughter is none of your business." "I'll decide what she is." Ohhhh no either kill her right now or move to Alaska maybe both because this isn't gonna end well -- "You're not using my silverware for that." *snerk* -- DO NOT DRINK THE WINE IF THE MARTINS GAVE IT TO YOU -- I'm loving Janz's writing style. I'm gonna buy all of his stuff assuming Little Stevie and Lily live through this (I am still not over Gage from Pet Sematary dangit) -- "You're a real asshole," Joe said, "but I'm not gonna kill you." this is a mistake joe -- ugggggh I *knew* Gentry was a creeper -- "He's better off without her." "You're probably right about that." "Damn right I am." There we go, Michelle! -- the way Darrell dealt with Gentry = GOLD -- "Lily napped and I worked on the computer." "That sounds rough." JOE. You are gonna get your butt kicked and rightly so. -- Why are you exploring the house alone Joe this is exactly how people die in horror movies -- I honestly thought when he opened the car door and realized the cult had left something for him that it was gonna be the remains of the couple's dog and I was gonna be traumatized forever -- Stop it you two you are not allowed to go into the creepy church when nobody knows where you are -- Darrell noooooooooooo -- WICKER MAN FLASHBACKS -- HECK YEAH MICHELLE I'M SORRY I EVER DOUBTED YOU -- I may well get '"Now ladies. You don't want to--" His forehead disintegrated' as a tattoo because ICONIC. -- "To get my son." I'm not tearing up you're tearing up -- 'The first cult member impaled himself like an energetic hors d'oeuvre' **cackling** -- 'He'd be damned if this scrawny psychopath would put a hole in his head with something Joe had purchased at Sears' <3 <3 <3 -- also Joe is never going to hire anyone for his construction business ever again -- From my kidlet: "Mom! Time for bedtime story!" noooooo mommy is 20 pages from the end of the book go play -- SHARON I STG -- 'The boy didn't smile, but he didn't look afraid. And that was something, Joe thought. That was something.' darnit Janz quit making me cry All in all, an incredible book. I love the supernatural tinges, but that it wasn't *so* supernatural that you were left with the feeling that Lily was irrevocably doomed. Angie's actions were more of a self-fulfilling prophecy than a supernatural decree, and since Little Stevie and Lily are growing up in a loving home, that cycle is going to be broken. It's my favorite kind of horror novel: dark and terrifying, but with hope left at the end. Wholeheartedly recommend. |
A WORLD WITH A BLUER SUNMy reviews are set up a little like live-tweets: I write down lines I like/impressions as I read, and then transcribe. Reviews will contain spoilers, but I'll give a warning before they start. Archives
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