SYNOPSIS: Aside from a quaint amusement park, the small town of Lakeview offers little excitement for Duane, Savannah, and their friends. They’re about to endure their ten-year high school reunion when their lives are shattered by the arrival of an ancient, vengeful evil.
The werewolf. The first attack leaves seven dead and four wounded. And though the beast remains on the loose and eager to spill more blood, the sleepy resort town is about to face an even greater terror. Because the four victims of the werewolf’s fury are changing. They’re experiencing unholy desires and unimaginable cravings. They’ll prey on the innocent and the depraved. They’ll settle old scores and act on their basest desires. Soon, they’ll plunge the entire town into nightmare. Lakeview is about to become Wolf Land. WEREWOLVES!!! One of my first horror loves, and in a book written by Jonathan Janz (who's more than made my auto-buy list). I knew I'd love this one, and I did, but there are a couple of caveats I need to add for other readers. An author's note at the beginning says, "This one, friends, is dark-- probably darker than anything I've ever written." I wrote in my notebook, "fingers crossed this refers to level of violence and not sexual assault". I now laugh sadly at my former self, because HOLY SHIT. People with rape triggers will want to be careful of this one. A lead character suffers extreme sexual abuse at the hands of her father and brothers, and there are references/memories of child molestation. There's a lot of misogyny in general here, from the horrifying example above to the more commonplace "not allllll men hey I'm a nice guy why won't you date me" variety. It's not rewarded by the text in any way, the people who deserve a comeuppance most certainly get one, but it's still a rough read. That said, I'm a huge fan of Janz's writing style-- the characters always feel real, whether you're rooting for them or hoping they get cannonballed into the sun-- and I know to time reading his endings after the kids go to bed because the final battle scenes move like bullets and Mom Is Not Getting Interrupted Thanks. This is a fast-paced, almost splatterpunk style read, and if you know you can handle the stuff mentioned above then absolutely grab a copy. Again, werewolves. ;) Quotes/Lines: ((spoilers below!)) -- Awww, the dedication. Jack Ketchum. <3 -- ...I like the sound of the Antonov sisters and hope they're referenced again, though the blonde, black and red hair has me picturing the Hocus Pocus witches oops -- "You had sex with girls back in high school, Glenn. What makes it so different now?" Die by werewolf, Weezer. And yes, Duane, why *do* you hang out with him? His scintillating conversational skills and enviable morals? -- "That's the problem with the world," Weezer said meditatively. "Not enough honesty. I say what's on my mind, and you two get all high and mighty on me." Throw him from the carrrrrr -- Oh Duane, sweetie, I'm sorry your parents were dickheads (you still need to throw Weezer from the car though) -- So, Mike, you lie to an 18-year old and tell her you're her age instead of 22. You lie to women about what you've actually been through to get them to sleep with you. Also, 'hot Hispanic chick'? 'some skank'? You're fucking gross, stay away from Savannah. -- So far Barb is my favorite -- oh god why are in Weezer's pov he's loathsome enough I don't need to be seeing his creepy-ass thoughts -- "Here's what's going to happen," she said slowly. "You're going to walk away and not talk to me again tonight." Her eyes swept him up and down. "Preferably not ever. I'm not interested in you. At all. Does that make sense?" HOT DAMN MELODY I LOVE YOU -- 'Duane hoped Melody hadn't been too vicious with him.' WHY? Why would you hope that when you *know* what he's like?? -- Aw, Joyce. *hugs* -- 'It was Glenn's friend, the one who looked like he'd own a Confederate flag.' OHHHHHHH -- 'Joyce took a moment to appraise him more carefully.' Nope, do *not* go down that road, you had it right the first time. -- 'Nor would it help to point out that Melody was a walking petri dish who was probably carrying about thirty strands of venereal disease.' Yes. Please denigrate another woman to soothe this predator of high-school girls. Good choice. -- oh good Weezer just went into the woods alone heeeeere werewolf -- GAH MIKE. ((also Glenn, damn. I have some problems with your choice of friends but that was honorable. Good on you.)) -- "Won't you flee so I can experience the pleasure of running you down?" Yeah, that'd be time for 'I don't have to outrun the werewolf, I just have to outrun you'. See ya, former classmates, I'm already gone -- Joyce, as much as I appreciate the 'I have to try' sentiment, you are gonna die -- Savannah just choked a werewolf with barbed wire I'm gonna propose -- "Run," he muttered to Savannah. "Fuck you," she said.' **heart eyes** -- oh no Melody is a werewolf now nooooo -- 'It was common knowledge she'd known a lot of guys. Not that Duane had ever enjoyed the privilege.' NOT THE TIME DUDE. -- Okay so Glenn, Melody, and Joyce are all wounded but still alive. According to the back cover, that leaves one more to turn. -- NO not Weezer he's awful enough without getting werewolf strength come on -- oh MELODY. It's okay, you're a werewolf now, go eat your brothers -- shit, your dad too. Eviscerate him he deserves it. -- oh god the possum ew ew EW -- Bubba Ho-Tep! <3 <3 <3 -- "Who's in it?" "Bruce Campbell." "Who?" *gasp* SAVANNAH. -- okay unless Melody goes full wolf and murders the hell out of her family I do *not* want to read the pole barn scene I'm just gonna skim until I see justified violence -- "Why're you growling, girl?" KILL 'EM ALL, SWEETHEART -- what no why are they still alive dammit -- "I've been good to you, Savannah. I've treated you like an honest-to-goodness person." Soooo now that you've been nice you get sex? -- "It's certainly my business because I've been the one who's treated you with respect." Just stop while you're way behind, Duane. -- "I was the one who stayed behind, who held you while you bawled." Her eyes narrowed. "And you did it all out of the kindness of your heart, didn't you? You didn't have any ulterior motive." GET HIM. -- "No matter what he does, all guys are evil sex maniacs." Evil sex maniacs? Nope. Some liable to fall for "waaaaah I'm a Nice Guy why won't you sleep with me and give me a chance" bullshit? Yep. -- "But it's possible," he pressed on, "that guys can be good people too." Not any of the ones in this book. gtfo with your whiny entitled 'no *you're* the superficial one' bullshit. And if you so much as think the word 'friendzone'... -- "That'd be fitting," he said, "since I'm the one who got him to sleep." You did NOT just... Do you want a goddamn cookie? She's been taking care of her child for *years* and you think an hour of bedtime stories makes you a hero? -- okay no I'm not done you want her to know you're a good guy, that you're trustworthy, but you're close friends with someone like Weezer? That tells her that *you* are unsafe, because you don't care enough about the hateful shit he says to ever give him consequences. -- 'But Mya knew she had a great body, and that could often contaminate what was between the ears.' Go meet a silver bullet, Glenn. -- ((I do however agree that Patricia Arquette in True Romance was *amazing*. I haven't seen that in forever. Need to rewatch sometime.)) -- 'on his own he knew he'd never have the guts to separate one of them from the herd' THEY'RE NOT GAZELLES, DICK. -- 'Was the man gay?....How did one go about turning down a homosexual proposition?' Y'know what, I...yeah. Go away, Duane. Keep going. Further... -- Duane as a kid painting the picture window white the protect the birds is so sweet. -- "Oh, shut up for a second, would you? You're either staring at my tits or treating me like I'm the Queen of England. Just pretend I'm a person for once." SAVANNAH. -- "Great," Duane said. "Time to trot out the negative male stereotypes." "Duane?" "What?" "Shut your goddamned mouth." "What if I don't want to?" "I'll rip off your nut sack and drop it down the garbage disposal." We're going to have a spring wedding. -- "It's like I need a goddamned translator." No you don't. You just don't want to hear what she's saying. Shut up and take the opportunity, because she didn't have to give you this chance. -- "We didn't choose this. .... But we can make the most of it." Um, Joyce? Honey? You okay over there? -- Melody!! Hi sweetheart -- "I know what she's trying to say," Barb said, "because she said it. We don't need you to interpret for us." BARB c'mere I'm gonna hug you -- Man, the rest of that chapter. Barb you are my current favorite please live -- "I'm tired, Joyce. Down to my bones. I want some rest. Plus, I think I ate a muskrat." *cackling* -- someone go shoot Weezer repeatedly and *fast* -- "Please don't hurt me" too fucking late for that you abusive s.o.b. die horribly and take most of your kids with you -- oh shit Melody *no* you deserve a chance at life without them -- Short Pump ((Duane)) glared at Barb. "What do you have against him? You ever talked to him?" YOU HAVE. You know what Weezer's like; you know that she's right. -- "Why not appeal to my better nature? Maybe I'll spare you if I see the error of my ways." "I don't need sparing." godDAMN Barb -- This fight scene holy shit -- 'And even if Weezer had spoken offensively to Savannah, at heart he was the same tortured kid he'd always been.' 1) IF?!?!? 2) yes, yes, poor baby, bullied as a kid and so had no choice but to grow up and become a misogynistic predator. I'm crying for him right now. -- I was hoping they were the Three! -- oh god Jessica and the kiddos *are* dead dammit Weezer why are you still alive -- Joyce is so damn brave. -- Duane hitting a werewolf with a chair. You dumbass. <3 -- BARB. I'm composing your superhero theme song as we speak -- ohhhhh shit we found Joyce's trigger -- MELODY FUCK YEAHHHHH -- 'Duane glanced down at Barb's bloody shirt, and wondered how the woman wasn't dead yet.' Because Barb, that's how. -- noooooooo I can't believe I have to go around with a 'Justice for Barb' pin AGAIN -- 'To kill Weezer, which wouldn't be such a loss.' I love that you're snarky even as a werewolf, Melody. -- 'And by God, Melody thought, she wasn't escaping from one prison to willfully enter another. Fuck that." If Melody dies I riot. -- Joyce. You did so, so well. -- 'Enabler. The word imprinted itself in his mind's eye. You're an enabler. You're part of the problem, one of the reasons why scum like Weezer end up victimizing innocent kids.' Good, NOW you get it! -- NO Savannah never turn your back until it's definitely dead did you never watch Halloween -- Duane a whole bunch of children are about to be massacred this may not be the time to make notes on a woman's butt -- 'With a start, Duane realized Weezer was eyeballing the children. His chest was heaving, there was an unwholesome look in his eyes. And...holy shit. Weezer had an erection.' So we're done defending him now? Maybe should've listened to Barb and Savannah when they told you what he was? Should've listened to Weezer himself when he made comment after comment? DO BETTER NEXT TIME assuming you live through this -- Miss Hayward you'd better get Teacher of the Year -- 'You should have helped him see more. You should have believed in him.' Not your job. You were busy raising a kid, and he was still hanging around Weezer. He's an adult. -- Wolf Land, in which Savannah, Our Lady of Improvised Weaponry, fights off a werewolf with a goddamned BELT -- 'He had just about resolved to drop-kick the yellow werewolf in the face like some flabby Caucasian Bruce Lee' *snerk* -- Melody stopped to make sure the dogs didn't starve I love 1) amazing werewolf.
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SYNOPSIS: Since 1985, over 500 overweight teenagers have come to Camp Wašíču, looking to lose weight, gain self-confidence, and turn their lives around.
Phillip McCracken arrives, weighing in at almost 400 pounds; but the baggage he carries from the past affects him much more deeply than the numbers of the scale. When a homicidal maniac hell-bent on revenge attacks, Phillip will be forced to either find the courage to save the people around him or fall victim to his own self-doubt… … and possibly a machete. Filled with allusions to the Slasher films of yesteryear, Fat Camp delivers horror, humor, and a little slice of nostalgia for anyone who grew up even slightly afraid of the dark. I admit to a bias when starting this book, because I think "fat camps" are inherently abusive places for kids/teens, and cause way more issues than they solve. My main worry was that this was going to end up being another 'aren't things sooo much better now that you're skinny?' book (I've been burned before). The dedication: "This book is dedicated to anyone who has lived with an eating disorder or found any other reason not to smile while looking in the mirror. I hope you find a way to see the beauty that others see in you. It's taken me years and I still only see it occasionally but it's definitely there..." went a long way toward easing my mind. There's a *lot* of fat-shaming in this book, but I didn't feel it was supported by the narrative. The lead does lose weight in the end, but not so much that it's "magically skinny", and it's therapy that seems to do the most good for him, not being yelled at by Gunnery Sergeant Hartman 2.0. In fact, it was only when he got positive support rather than shaming that he changed his mind about bailing on the camp entirely. ((of course, your mileage may vary)) In the end, I loved the four main kids. They struck me as real teenagers: flawed, insecure as all hell, 98% bravado. ((I am no longer a teenager, though, so again-- ymmv) The cover really reminded me of Gahan Wilson's art and I adore that. Quotes/lines: ((spoilers below!)) -- we are one page in and I already want to slap the hell out of Phillip's mom. "Just because I cooked enough for six people doesn't mean you have to eat enough for five." *trebuchet into the sun* -- ...I'm putting Sarge in the trebuchet too -- Why in the fuck is this creep making references to Phillip masturbating and talking about his penis; this is a *kid*. -- "I don't think she means to be rude." Awww, hon. Your mom's an adult. She needs to take responsibility for the shit she's saying. -- 'the weathered wooden cut out of a slim looking teenager holding his 'fat pants' to show how much weight he'd supposedly lost' oh yeah this place is a *treat* -- "I think there will come a day when you'll look back on your time here at Fit Camp with fondness" yeahhhh, guy. Okay. (I also really doubt if they interviewed Frank Doyle right now he'd be happily nostalgic either) -- "I'll never understand why he's here." "It's Fit Camp, Phil. He's still got an eating disorder. It's just different than ours." Thank you, Seth. -- "The real word ain't going to coddle them" oh god he's one of THOSE. (does the thought that these kids haven't been "coddled" at all, that their lives haven't exactly been sunshine and lollipops given that our society worships thinness occur to him? Nahhhh) -- "No offense, Timothy, but do you have any idea how many calories are in a Snickers? You'd be on the treadmill for years making that up." Seth, don't fall for it kiddo. -- "I hope you got a few good shots in. Way to stand up for yourself for once." Given this guy's previous behavior, this just strikes me as a manipulation tactic. Berate, insult, and then sometimes give praise so the person (TEENS ffs) will want more of that praise. Haaate youuuu -- "What would Bond do, Timothy? Bond would bring us the snacks." "Bond would have an umbrella, you jackass bastards." ILU Timothy -- "Why let me keep breathing instead of someone who was on the planet doing something to help others?" I'm glad his therapist seems to be good, because that is a hell of a lot of survivor's guilt. -- "You need this place. You need the confidence it will give you. You need to embrace it and actually work at it instead of half-assing it every day." *hands Seth 'how to leave a cult' pamphlets* -- "Everyone just pussyfoots around you because your dad died." So he needs a jackass bullying him in order to get better?? He needs therapy to work through control issues and grief and survivor's guilt, not 'haha you're fat' bullshit. -- 'The company used to fly him out for special events and recruitment, but over the past couple years, he started packing on the pounds again. So now they kind of steer clear of him.' Sounds about right. 'You do what the majority of people put on very restrictive diets do? We'll pretend you don't exist'. I'd peg this dude as the killer, but I'd think he would go after the counselors rather than the kids. -- 'A lot of these boys are more or less abandoned here and their families don't so much as pick up a phone all summer. ... most do it out of love'. I call bullshit -- Nice excuse for confiscating the phones, but it's more likely you don't want how you asshats treat the kids going viral. -- I love that he used Stanley and Waldorf as a verb -- omfg Emily that pickup line is *horrible* you're a genius -- 'Apparently, when you didn't view eating healthy as a punishment, it was a lot more appealing.' DING DING DING -- 'in order to get in shape to keep this girl'? She likes you already please trust in that. ((99% of this review could pretty much be me wanting to give Phillip a hug)) -- 'Dr. Munson told us once that food is just fuel. ...when you stop eating food for the flavor and you eat it as the fuel you need' Eff you Dr. Munson food is *tasty* -- "We're fat. We all float, Georgie!" Hoffman you dork. -- The werewolf campfire horror story is fun. -- Ohhh, the not-paintings-but-windows story is a classic. -- Holy shit Nicole that was brilliant and ilu -- Randy and his 'business'. <3 -- "You did good, Waterhouse. You may have just saved some lives." Still don't like you, but maybe you can prove yourself better than you've been so far and keep these kids safe. -- 'Greg leaned in. "Go take a nap, Sarge. I got this." **alarms go off** -- NICE job Vincent -- 'Over half the campers had panicked and run. Through the windows, Sarge saw, to his horror, the residents of Camp Wašíču running in all different directions. And he knew what little hope he'd had of protecting them was gone.' Oh man. -- Seth. <3 -- 'Emily smiled. "I'm in. Let's just get out of here." Ummm...Nicole? Phillip? -- "You all know where you're going. I'll provide a distraction. Just get each other to safety." Vague forgiveness, Sarge. -- Do not answer that walkie-talkie I'm pretty sure Greg and Eric are working together -- "I spent my entire life being pushed around by your type. I'm not doing it anymore. I'm sick of being ashamed of who I am because you don't approve. I am fat. I do jack off constantly. And you know what? I don't give a shit what you think about that." PHILLIP. YOU GEM. -- Sarge, you had *better* do right for this kid. You don't deserve the fact that he cares about you, but he does. -- Yeah, Greg is in on this, that is way too baity of a call. -- "I know what you think I think of you. But you could not be more incorrect." Then *let him see that* before you're potentially dying. Ughhh, 'tough love'. -- So the kid who did everything right and stayed skinny and is So Motivational was entirely made up. ...nice touch -- "What if he comes back for you?" Sarge shrugged. "Then at least he's not with you guys." Okay so you actually had an honest, supportive conversation with Phillip and have the potential to turn your assholery around; please live -- 'my consistent inability to live up to them' You are a *kid*. He shouldn't have laid that on you. --"I thought Greg said she was out of town." I told you that call was shady!! -- "I know Greg already called the police" NO HE DIDN'T -- "Sarge is okay?" "Yeah. He was attacked, but he'll pull through." "Where is he now?" AUGH DON'T TELL HIM -- So now I'm just wondering if Jessica is in on it too or just Greg and maybe Eric -- okay not Eric -- *Jessica*. That is *such* a HIPPA violation. ((okay not the main focus right now but still)) -- "Well, you can't have her. No one can, now." What a misogynist shitheel. Poor Jessica. -- Hit the femoral artery Phillip!! -- "I stood up to them, and they all fell before me." Good for you! Killing...over a dozen fifteen-year olds. Big strong man. -- (I have to say, the crashing through the glass table and the Cornuts is such a Heathers reference) -- 'Would she apologize that this occurred because of her?' What the HELL. It happened because her husband was a murderous asshole. She cheated? Yeah. And he could've yelled about it and then left her. *He* chose to go on a murder spree instead. That's not her fault. -- "Wait a minute. Did you just say Frank Doyle isn't real?" *snerk* -- There's an insinuation that Sarge isn't as much of an asshat anymore, and with Phil and Seth as counselors there'll definitely be a better environment. Still not much on the entire concept of the camp itself, though. SYNOPSIS:
OTHER VOICES, OTHER TOMBS is an anthology packed with unsettling stories from the finest independent authors in the horror genre. This collection runs the gamut of styles, including everything from literary horror to creepypasta. Ania Ahlborn, Kealan Patrick Burke, Michael Wehunt, Mercedes Yardley, and Gemma Files are widely considered some of the best authors working in dark fiction right now. Also included are stories from NoSleep Podcast legends: Gemma Amor, JD McGregor, and Michael Whitehouse. Anthologies are pretty much my favorite thing: I can take a few minutes between Stuff That Needs Done and read a story, and usually discover a new author or three along the way. This one doesn't disappoint (as soon as I saw Kealan Patrick Burke and Ania Ahlborn this thing was on my Kindle within a minute). My favorites from this one are: The Second Hand by Kealan Patrick Burke The Governess by Ania Ahlborn Fly Away, Little Fledgling by Michelle Garza and Melissa Lason Can We Keep Him? by C.W. Briar And, trigger warning for rape in the third story, Urban Moon. It's a very well-written piece, but it's a difficult read emotionally, so be careful with yourselves. Reactions/favorite lines for each: ((spoilers below)) THE SECOND HAND: -- 'I wish I'd have run to him and hugged him. I wish I'd found any reason at all to stay home with my parents where it was always safe.' -- 'Childhood is about raw wounds, the scars the armor of adulthood.' -- The Friday Night Movie Nights is such a sweet tradition; I love this family. And oh god something so horrible is going to happen the foreshadowing is killing me -- 'Because a truth of which I'd only recently become aware was that for all his hatred of his brother, robbie was slowly becoming him. As sure as a hammer will a nail, his brother's fists were driving meanness into him, and I was as afraid of what my friend would become as much as he feared what Dougie already was.' Yeah sure I wasn't using my heart anyway go ahead and stomp on it. -- the girl in the pond is one hell of a creepy visual no wonder this kid is scared. LISTEN TO THAT FRIGHT KIDDO IT IS TRYING TO KEEP YOU ALIVE -- 'I want to believe I'm overreacting but if so, then why hasn't the girl moved since we got here? If you say fear, okay, she's afraid, but tell me, then: why is the water running up her body instead of down? Fear can't alter physics." GYAH -- HAVING FLASHBACKS TO THE THING NOW THE GOVERNESS -- Oh man, I remember the new-mom panic so hard. -- "Pheebs, you need to relax." Way to be helpful to your upset wife, dick. -- 'Sometimes the night vision would cut out during his staring episodes and when it would click back on, Harrison--with his pupils shining like the eyes of an animal caught in oncoming headlights--would be grinning a disconcerting, toothless smile.' so THAT image is going to haunt me forever -- 'It forced her mind into worst-case scenario mode, because what if the baby had spit up and was now choking to death while lying on his back? What if he'd managed to roll onto his stomach and wasn't able to breathe?" Hello there past me how're you doing? -- oh no open closet door this story is going to give me a heart attack I still have not recovered from Stephen King's The Boogeyman -- Feed your husband to the closet thing sweetie, you'll be better off. -- 'Everything was going to be fine.' *bites nails* -- ((I've heard a lot of wonderful things about Ania Ahlborn but this is the first thing of hers I've actually read; she's stellar)) URBAN MOON -- I want Pen's jacket, it sounds over-the-top and perfect. -- Oh Pen. We'll just send that boyfriend to get eaten by lake-monster-girl from KPB's story. -- The bird imagery in this is very fairy-tale. -- Hey no no just call your husband and say you'll be late do NOT leave Pen there alone -- He seems very nice. WHAT'S WRONG WITH HIM. (hopefully nothing, don't let this be That Kind of story) -- Dammit it is -- Oh shit, no. Come on, there's enough bird references and all in here, at least let her morph into a swan and PECK OUT THEIR EYES -- "This isn't right. It doesn't have any feathers." SWEETIE. -- I will kill Tom and his friend and that officer and the ex and the internet mob and... oh, I know it ends on a more hopeful note but it just fills me with so much impotent rage that that almost doesn't matter, sadly. A CIRCLE THAT EVER RETURNETH -- The this-is-only-temporary mantra even as he settles further and further into his new situation is so unsettling. -- "Who the hell is Brad?" eeeeeeeeeek BURY ME IN THE GARDEN -- Poor Ivy. -- 'for the Crone' File under "this is not gonna end well" -- 'Jefferson would not have cowered under the threat of evil. And if I was intending to honor his courage, then neither should I.' Must. Protect. Small. Child. -- 'If someone must be surrounded, it might as well be with books.' Amen, kid. -- Owen's dad needs shot. I notice Mr. It Had To Be Done didn't offer *himself* for sacrifice THIS IS HOW IT GOES -- Well THAT'S one way to start a story thanks I'm traumatized -- I like that she also ends up on things like General Weird Shit threads. :) -- AUGH it's Invasion of the Body Snatchers but WORSE ((also this is a fantastic apocalypse idea)) -- 'For a century or so, the world was small enough not to be afraid of. It got smaller and faster and faster and smaller, 'til you could hold it in your hand. 'Til you could watch it from morning to night without ever having to go anywhere. That's never going to be true again.' -- 'Humans are amazingly adaptable creatures, which seemed like more of a compliment before I realized, post-Split, it was an equally apt descriptor for rats.' COMFORTABLE GODS -- 'this waiting room of a town' is a great phrase. -- This is going to rev up into extreme body horror isn't it -- I don't quite know what's happening yet but this whole atmosphere is unsettling as HELL -- "I remember myself and I don't care what's in this place. I want to find my husband and go away from here." *heart shatters* -- And the extreme body horror is here IN SPADES hiiiiiii nightmares FLY AWAY, LITTLE FLEDGLING -- 'She never got used to caring for children who were terminally ill, it felt so unnatural to watch their little bodies withering away. It sent her mind to a dark place.' oh look it's time to break for the night -- Okay. Next morning. Fortified by hot chocolate, I press on. -- ohhhhh nooooo Charlotte's the same age as my Kaylee I'm gonna go spike my hot chocolate -- "You're closer to hell than heaven." AAAAA -- "The first time, I took care of my own daughter" Then WHY would they ever assign you to a child's case your bosses suck -- "You're my favorite, Nurse Abbie. I want you to be here when I fly away." **sobbing** -- .....oh SHIT FORGET THE BURNING ISLE -- 'It was Jacob. He must have come back to check on me just before it happened.' oh no. ((and I don't know what exactly's going on here but the concept is 11o% terrifying)) -- Good man, McClusky. -- 'even though we're just following orders' Fuck you Blake. -- "I'm a soldier, son. No time for sentiment. I have to look after my own." Repeat previous judgment call. -- GET HIM KIDDO THREE LANES DEEP -- Ugh, these descriptions already have me feeling overheated and claustrophobic. Traffic jams with AC are bad enough; with none? Nooo. -- At least they don't have small children in the car. *Cujo flashbacks* -- LISTEN TO YOUR SISTER LUCAS -- 'She remembers the body in the trunk of the car.' wait WHAT THE SWITCH -- So a horror take on the Parent Trap. I'm here for this. -- "Abigale...honey, I need you to be honest with me. Where is your sister?" ohhhh dear -- 'Secretly, she wondered how much money she would inherit after this shit-show was over.' Shoulda let your granddaughter kill her, sir. -- 'She held the stuffed bear between them and, for the briefest of moments, Abby thought she saw the ratty old thing nod its head.' NOPE. THE RED ROSE -- "Hey, are you having fun?" she asked. "Loads," Ava replied sarcastically. Oh look it's me trying to socialize in high school. -- 'She needed a clear head. Tonight was going to be special for her regardless..." No wait, probably not me because Ava sounds like she's planning to kill people. -- 'Ava smiled, fingering the paring knife in her back pocket.' Yep, gonna kill people. -- okay there Leatherface YIKES -- This is a really interesting take on the killers-working-together trope. -- 'but unlike most dreamers, Ava didn't hesitate to make the necessary sacrifices.' I suppose that's a very, very generous way of looking at it. -- 'Cindy patted Ava's cheek. "That's right, darling. When you're ready to move the bodies, call me." I love how twisted this is. -- 'I've got you too, she thought.' CREEEEEEEPY (perfect) CAN WE KEEP HIM? -- Penny absolutely needs some consequences for that action, but on the other hand it's exactly the kind of prank that little kids who don't think things through play, and the whole 'you're a devil child' thing is a BIT much. -- "What do they protect us from?" Penny had asked mom after school. "Nothing, darling. It's just superstition." "But why would Dad take our star down? What's wrong with good luck?" "Nothing, but an updated exterior is worth more in resale value than good luck." We'll see how concerned you are about resale value when you have a possessed kid -- 'Mom and Dad did not like her exploring the woods on her own, but she did not like being grounded, which made breaking the rules seem fair.' This is such Kid Logic. Now stop investigating weird animal noises alone Penny, this is how people die in horror movies. -- 'For a moment, Penny thought that the cat's jaw was too loose, and that its mouth was opening in directions that it shouldn't, exposing a surprising number of needle teeth. Then she shook her head and got rid of those weird thoughts. The cat was so cute, and she didn't have any reason for the nervous feelings crawling like spiders down her spine.' YES YOU DO oh man I'm going to have nightmares about this, wake up and see one of my own cats, and die of heart failure. -- Penny, sweetheart. Please talk to your mom. -- 'The wind also played with loose boards on the shed, wiggling them like baby teeth ready to come out in a final, bloody yank.' -- Penny is going to need All The Therapy Forever. ALONE IN THE DARK -- 'It wasn't her first rodeo. She'd long since abandoned feeling guilty for driving with whatever illegal substance inside her system.' Please don't kill/hurt anyone else when you inevitably wreck. -- 'Everything was going to be fine. It was only a little buzz. People get away with this shit all the time.' And Iiiiiiiiiiiiiii would love to smack youuuuuuuuuu -- 'made her start to wish she'd just stayed the night at Em's' gee ya think -- OW MY HEART. SYNOPSIS:
Growing up in 1980s Niagara Falls - a seedy but magical, slightly haunted place - Jake Baker spends most of his time with his uncle Calvin, a kind but eccentric enthusiast of occult artifacts and conspiracy theories. The summer Jake turns twelve, he befriends a pair of siblings new to town, and so Calvin decides to initiate them all into the "Saturday Night Ghost Club." But as the summer goes on, what begins as a seemingly light-hearted project may ultimately uncover more than any of its members had imagined. First, I'd like to apologize for going so long between reviews. The world is a dumpster fire (everybody please donate to RAICES thank youuuu) and it sent me into a depressive spiral where even the idea of picking up a new book felt like an insurmountable hassle. But I'm back, I think, and I can't imagine a better book to have brought me out of that slump. This book is so far the only one I've ever seen that gave me the exact same feeling at the end as "I never had any friends later on like the ones I had when I was twelve. Jesus, does anyone?" That's the highest compliment I know how to give. I knew from the opening pages that I want to buy a million copies and just pass it out to everyone like candy. Now sometimes books can open like that and disappoint you by the end, but SNGC started at "you are getting my Highest Goddamn Praise" and kept that up all the way to the end. Craig Davidson easily makes my buy-everything-they-write list with this one. Reactions/lines: ((spoilers below)) -- "And that, Jake, is why owning a pet is a big responsibility." Of course he explains that through the alligators-in-the-sewer legend. I love Uncle Calvin. (also, I need that bracelet he's wearing) -- No really I love Calvin and his method of dealing with the closet monster is fantastic. -- 'The city of my birth is only a few hours down the highway if traffic holds steady, and a part of me will always belong there.' -- "Congratulations on solving the big case, Sherlock." I would die for you -- I would *live* at the Occultorium. -- omfg the snakes in fast food restaurant ball pits -- "If it works-- it doesn't always-- it will open your dreaming channels. Galvanize your subconscious circuitry and invite your grandmother to make contact. You would dream her into existence again, just for a little while, to say a proper good-bye." I love the way he is with kids. No condescension or awkwardness. -- SPIRIT PHONE. -- 'We broke into the funeral home at eight o'clock the following night.' thatescalatedquickly.gif -- "The guiding part of her, the part you loved and that loved you...it's already gone. It's part of the atmosphere now, like the steam rising off a bath. So yes, she can see those trees. She can see the monkeys in the Brazilian rainforest or the rocks on the moon if she wants." ... "All that's left now is the ceremony. Doesn't really matter if she's in a coffin or a canoe or a fire. The ceremony is about respect for the dead and a sense of ending for the living. Every story needs its conclusion, yes?" ...I want an Uncle C. -- "Okay dad," I said dutifully, because that's what kids said when adults got weird.' Heh -- 'The girl was eight years old when her file landed on my desk.' Ohhhhhh I don't want to read this section do I -- "And this monkey's paw? Morocco. This All-Seeing Eye? Romania." Dove tapped the side of her nose. "And if they happened to have come from a warehouse in Taiwan I guess the tourists wouldn't know the diff, huh?" "Between you, me, and the doorknob?" my uncle said. "No, they wouldn't." I love everybody in this bar; nothing bad is allowed to happen to any of them. *eyes rest of book warily* -- "Dove, baby, did you take your..." Huh. Wonder what she takes. Antidepressants, antianxiety? Not sure how prevalent things like that were in the 80s. -- "Your father trusts my movie choices again?" he asked hopefully.' oh my god Uncle C what did you do -- "Welcome to the Screaming Tunnel, boys." We were standing before Cataract City's most haunted spot. My folks had forbidden me from going there-- a common decree of all the adults in my town. Why scare the daylights out of yourself? went the conventional adult thinking.' have they *met* teenagers -- "Let's get a fire going," my uncle said. "And I'll tell you a story." I'm having Midnight Society flashbacks here and it's *great*. -- "Now the legend is, if you go into the tunnel and strike a match on the stroke of midnight, you'll see the girl standing right in front of you, watching you. Then the match will go out, even if there's not a hint of breeze. Then...it's just you and her in the dark together." no that's fine i wasn't planning on sleeping this week -- 'I wanted nothing to do with her eternal misery-- it seemed invasive and cruel to even seek sight of her, no different from going to prison to gawp at a wrongly convicted man.' I love this perspective. So much of the time you have the points of view of people who are 1) so intensely curious they never stop to think about it this way, 2) so skeptical they think there's no chance of ghosts being real, or 3) determined to prove the existence of life after death whatever the cost. -- 'Now, all these years later, I choose to remember that as only another dream.' No freaking wonder. -- 'The girl had found them-- two pulsing blips of familiar, loving light-- within the dimming corridors of her brain.' See I read gorgeous bittersweet lines like that and I just *know* this book is going to shatter my heart into a million irreparable pieces in the end. -- "It was night, they say." "They who?" Dove asked. "They who first told the story, those whose names are lost to the mists of time." My uncle grinned. "Good enough?" "If they say so, Calvin." The sass. <3 -- "...she may be a preta. What are known as hungry ghosts. I've heard them described as humanoid, but with shriveled, mummified skin, spindly limbs, long thin necks-- almost giraffe-like. Giant bellies and small, sucked-in mouths. Hungry ghosts are born when a person dies wanting something, be it love or hope or sanity. That's why they have slender necks and gigantic bellies. Pretas have enormous appetites but lack the ability to satisfy them." what exactly does craig davidson have against my ability to get a good night's sleep -- Ohhhh Dove please be safe sweetie -- 'the gnawing fear of possibility' is one of the best descriptions for that awful aspect of parenting I've read -- 'She rebuffed the bass player's invitation to head back to his place.' She is *fourteen* I will KILL you unnamed bass player. -- "Light them up," the man said, gesturing again at the fireworks. "Or is there some other game you'd rather play?" I WILL KILL YOU TOO don't test me you leave my adopted children alone -- god DAMN Dove I adore you so much -- 'I never told my parents what happened that night. Now I wonder: How often does that occur? A boy comes within an ace of death or disappearance, then returns home and goes to sleep and his parents never suspect a thing.' Been there. -- I really have to talk some more about the scene at the junkyard because it's so, so well done-- I *know* that creep who came after them. I've met several incarnations of him throughout my life (all when I was under 18) and I had to put the book down and pace around for a few minutes because it was so horrifyingly familiar. That hollow-chested realization that nobody's coming to rescue you, that you have to think of something and *fast*... threw me right back in time. -- 'It was only much later that I understood. Unable to stop the momentum, Lex treated what was happening as an unavoidable collision: if he steered into the crash with Calvin, maybe they would both be flung harmlessly aside. And if things were predestined for ruin, well, at least my uncle would hit terminal velocity with an old friend at his side. Lex was wrong in almost all of this, but I could sympathize: my job has shown me that is what people do when those they care for are suffering.' What is coming what is he foreshadowing here oh god I cannot handle thiiiiiiis -- 'My uncle had once warned me that a pack of wolves roamed outside the city limits... It's the strangest thing, he'd told me. You will only hear the howling on nights when the moon is full. Must be a coincidence, hmmm?' I know this is all about to go tits-up somehow but I genuinely love this guy so much. -- Gently, Lex said, "We're right there with you, Cal. Isn't that right, boys?" oh god this was Calvin's house he's about to talk about what happened to his wife and I am not ready -- 'Can you imagine it? You open your front door and invite death inside.' Excuse me I have to go build a panic room -- Jake's wife has not been named...is it Dove? -- The Goonies mention yessssssss -- Kick the little prick's ass, Jake. -- Ah, I see where Percy-the-creep gets it from. -- "Honestly, my dear, I find myself struggling to care." Cecilia = parenting goals. -- 'You will love that comet, but part of that love-- a percentage impossible to calibrate-- is tied to your inability to understand it. How can that comet burn as it does, pursue the trajectory it does? It confuses you, because the comet disguises itself as a human girl. But make no mistake, the girl contains fire to evaporate oceans, light to blind minor gods.' **makes sacrifices to aforementioned gods to someday write something this good** -- Fortean Times! -- OH GOD no no no I'd guessed about the house but Not This -- 'My uncle's mind had settled on this act of erasure as a coping mechanism. In the short term at least, why not allow him some peace?' ;_______; -- The epilogue is spot-on perfect and that. last. line. Waterworks. SYNOPSIS:
Once, Osgood and Frost were the up-and-coming stars of the burgeoning paranormal investigation TV show craze before a hoax put an end to their friendship, partnership, and television careers. Now, over a decade later, Prudence Osgood is a barely-functioning alcoholic ghosthunter for hire. Her yearning for mystery and adventure is reignited when she receives a cryptic, untraceable email. She can't resist embarking on an investigation that tugs threads winding through a sinister series of disappearances, her former partner's family, and a night twenty years ago when a semi blew a yellow light and nearly killed her. This book has so many things that I love-- ghosthunters, snarky humor, liminal spaces-- but the main standout to me are the characters, especially Osgood. She's so broken and trying so hard and I loved going on this journey with her. (Also, I cannot overstate how lovely it is to have a queer lead in a horror novel.) I can't wait to spend more time with this crew. Quotes/reactions: ((spoilers below)) -- 'How had she allowed her alcohol supply to dwindle to zilch? Oh, yes, money is required to procure alcohol.' Hey look it's me but with Ben & Jerry's. -- ...I want to go to Mary's. -- 'her place of safety where she could come and drink and not be terribly concerned about roving bands of toxic masculinity' *snerk* -- 'Before he left, he made a big production of showing her how to lock and unlock the knob lock and deadbolt.' Zack is the Sarcasm Friend and I love him -- "Yes, Osgood," said Zack. "It's terrific that the girl you took home was old enough to not put you in legal jeopardy." I agree with the sarcasm here. ((also, this is the only part of the book that initially made me a bit uncomfortable. Because while twenty is, yes, a legal adult, the age gap there made me twitchy, especially after Osgood spent much of the book trying to ghost her. It did help that the author made sure there wasn't a blatant power imbalance between them, and that Osgood finally reached a place where she could communicate with Nora honestly)) -- "I don't want to be a fraud." Os. :( -- "Maybe another time." "Maybe." Awww, Nora. -- I was NOT expecting that illustration AHHHHHHH -- "He might decry her drinking and most of the decisions she made while she did so, but he knew why she did it." <3 -- Chronic back pain is no joke (my husband lives with it). I just want to give Os a very careful hug and universal health care. Also, Zack is a sweetheart and such a good friend. -- "Whoa, fucking Angelfire?" *dead* -- The multitude of missing posters is horrifying. -- holy shit Os you should not be driving *at all* -- "Smug isn't a good look, Zack." "Neither is strung out and sleep deprived, but I still love you." These two. -- "We've cut out our eyes now we can see" AUGH -- "Tell me, is Osgood still a drunk?" "Yes?" "Are you?" "I don't drink." "How on Earth do you stand her, then?" ohhhh shit -- 'She'd forgotten the cardinal rule, hadn't she? Always make sure *all* the sex toys are put away before company comes.' pfffffft -- "C'mon," said Audrey, standing and reaching out her hands. "Let the broken help the broken." Osgood reluctantly took those hands and shakily stood.' I love them so muuuuch -- some kind of creepy subliminal messaging on the record? -- 'hipster yeti' I'm dead. That guy needed a slap or three -- poor Nora -- 'U seemed so excited about the [ghost emoji]!' An unrelated ghost, or something that could help with the case? What do you bet Os could've figured something out a lot sooner if she hadn't been so hell-bent on ghosting (ha) this poor girl? -- Do NOT go out with her, April, not until she gets her shit together. -- "It's almost a shame to open this. MIB and all." "Men in black?" asked Osgood. "Mint in box," said Zack with dismay. "Seriously, men in black?" It's okay, Os, that's where my mind went, too. -- This entire book is an indictment of the American health care/mental health system. -- "Because without the love it would've hurt less." my heart -- Oh my god these illustrations stop that (also, most horrifying nightmare ever. I cannot deal with the eye-mutilation stuff. NGH.) -- 'with a hellhound on my trail' and a band that was ridiculously successful even after a lead singer's death from an unknown cause? Are we doing a Robert Johnson deal-with-the-devil plotline?? -- "No. By a blues musician in the 30s. Robert Johnson." YESSSS -- 'She heard a pop and wondered if someone had dropped something.' oh NO -- AGAIN WITH THE EYES -- "I think I dropped my phone in Kansas." <3 -- "I seek an audience with the Lord of the Hinterlands." Audrey you badass/dumbass. -- "Sometimes knowing isn't better." Poor Caroline. And god, Audrey, how is she going to be able to live with this?? -- (all things serve the Beam) NICE -- "At least I won't be naked when I die." Prudence ilu -- 'She laughs, and the laugh draws the jawline downward, mouth opening far too broadly.' -- "I'm bored," she says, and points toward the Skylark. "So I'm going to get in that car and run you right the fuck over." LOVE ETERNAL. -- "You are able to sidestep between worlds, as I can." iiiiiiiiinteresting -- And Caroline there yelling him down, too, YES -- "Have you no mercy, child?" "None." That's my girl!!!! -- "Fuck your end." Audrey, HOLY SHIT, just when I thought I couldn't love you more -- I'm glad you guys are alive and okay and all now FIND ZACK tearful hugging later -- 'To promise never to take him for granted again. To treat him the way she always should have.' There you go. <3 -- "Did I say that out loud?" asked Osgood. "You did." *cackle* -- Yay, Nora!! And actual healthy communication, I'm so proud. -- ...HEY WAIT WTF -- so the second book is coming out tomorrow, yes? SYNOPSIS:
Strang isn’t the small, quaint town it appears to be. It’s haunted every night by a creature the townsfolk refer to as Halloween. Once the sun sets each day, Halloween emerges to collect its treats: a small, live offering from each household. The residents comply because no one wants to be the target of Halloween’s tricks. But the nightmare of residing in Strang is nothing compared to the yearly ritual Halloween demands of the citizens on All Hallows’ Eve. There are some books that are well-written, have a great premise, but for whatever reason just don't click with me, and this is one of them. A lot of people really enjoyed it, and I can absolutely understand why-- the setup is original and fun, the writing style is good, but I just didn't feel much for the main character and that made it hard for me to be really invested in the book. That said, give it a try-- more people like this than not, and maybe I just hit it at the wrong time. (also, the cover is freaking gorgeous and that's always a plus) ;) Reactions/quotes ((spoilers below)): -- I love the skeletal rabbit sketch at the start of the chapter. -- The blurb makes me think animals are gonna die and I really hope that's told subtly rather than dwelled on. -- 'The thing itself shifted again and again to something human then something with possibly tentacles then to something winged or wide, I couldn't be sure. It confused the mind to look directly at it. The shadow was what you had to pay attention to. As it devoured the cat Janice offered, the shadow turned its head toward our house.' That is an aces creepy description. -- '...back when there were children in Strang.' Um. -- "How were they going to deal with a group of people from out of town?" Hopefully they're not bringing them in for a sacrifice but I don't know with this place. Wouldn't surprise me. -- "You can't wait for the meeting. You want your old man to get the dot, don't you?" Ohhh, we've got The Lottery vibes going on now. -- 'You had to learn to keep emotions separate early on because the moment you grew an ounce of empathy for anyone or anything, the night Halloween paid a visit you would end up in a constant state of grief and sorrow and depression.' There's probably a good "so by this point, who's the real monster" essay to be made here. -- "I'd leave it alone if I were you. You'll end up like your mother." Ohhhh. -- 'She'd begged and nagged dad almost every day to pack up and leave.' I can't imagine why. ((no, seriously, why don't people GO? There's apparently no problem with going to the neighboring town for groceries, etc., why not get the hell out of Dodge? Barry's situation is explained: no car/money and the creepy policeman stalking him, but everyone else?)) -- "They pack up and move in the middle of the night without givin' a lick about anyone but themselves. Leave their property taxes unpaid. Funeral expenses unpaid. End up leavin' the townsfolk involved high and dry. You get what I'm sayin', Barry?" Uhhhh-huh. I think I'd say 'screw property taxes' and be out of there so fast I'd leave a smoke silhouette behind like in the old Looney Tunes. -- "We plan to play it off as a raffle of sorts." Old Hurly said, "Might be kinda difficult if the person doesn't go quietly. Don't think anyone forgets how Timothy carried on." Doris grew aggravated and almost shouted into the microphone. "It's not going to be a problem. We all know what's required of us. Anyone who would make a scene is a coward." Spoken like someone who's probably rigged this so she never draws the dot. -- I like Old Hurly. -- "How much does your life blow?" Okay, 99% of the time this creature is terrifying, but when it's using slang I used to hear with friends at the mall, not so much. -- 'I took to watching Addisyn's every move.' You're already kinda pinging my creeper meter with Rhonda cut it out -- 'I could feel my face reddening when I was caught watching her. There was something wolfish about her. As if she was observing the area to find her prey. It made me feel vulnerable for some reason, as if I was the prey she was looking for.' You're SO. CLOSE. to an understanding here. -- 'Once he was out of earshot, Addisyn said, "What an asshole." Indeed. (and what is up with the severe animosity between him and Barry? It feels like there's a deeper story there that's never explained) -- 'She sat menus in front of each of us. I tried not to stare at her cleavage as she bent forward' Lesson not learned. -- ...won't Janice see something out the window she's *always looking out of* and then you'll all three be screwed? -- "Hey asshole! Got some people here who want to see you!" WOW you're a dipshit. -- "Goddammit, Janice," I whispered.' Janice? You were the one who yelled for the thing and made sure to do it at one of the windows she could plainly see from her house. -- 'I hope when it eats me it gets sick and dies.' <3 -- So has it been rigged every year, I wonder, or just this one? -- The moving skeletons are great. -- Last. Line. All in all, I wish it had been longer-- more elaboration on the townsfolk's history with this thing and with each other, and maybe a pov other than Barry's sometimes (I would've really liked to 'hear' from Rhonda). I got a freebie from Hunt in an earlier Night Worms package, and I'll have to check it out soon; there was so much to like here but it just didn't do it for me. SYNOPSIS:
Sixteen never-before-published chilling tales that explore every aspect of our darkest holiday, Halloween, co-edited by Ellen Datlow, one of the most successful and respected genre editors, and Lisa Morton, a leading authority on Halloween. In addition to stories about scheming jack-o'-lanterns, vengeful ghosts, otherworldly changelings, disturbingly realistic haunted attractions, masks that cover terrifying faces, murderous urban legends, parties gone bad, cult Halloween movies, and trick or treating in the future, Haunted Nights also offers terrifying and mind-bending explorations of related holidays like All Souls' Day, Dia de los Muertos, and Devil's Night. This collection boasts one hell of a lineup: if you start off with Seanan McGuire and Stephen Graham Jones, you're pretty much guaranteed to be in good hands. And the introduction sets the tone beautifully; I wanted a fireplace in the house just so I could sit in front of it and drink apple cider. None of the stories were misses-- there were a couple that I wish I'd had trigger warnings for, because I'm not the best with death-of-children stories and probably would've steeled myself more for them, but it *was* a collection about Halloween. I knew not all the kids would make it out. Favorites: A Small Taste of the Old Country (nice work with a classic revenge story) All Through the Night (a gutpunch and a half but so well done) A Kingdom of Sugar Skulls and Marigolds (if I *had* to pick, this one's probably my fave of the entire collection) Jack (this take on Stingy Jack is great and I adore the lead) Lost in the Dark (where. is. my. movie.) Notes on each story: ((spoilers below)) WITH GRAVEYARD WEEDS AND WOLFSBANE SEEDS -- title. love. -- 'The kind of money that sees a pretty field and says, "I should build a giant-ass mansion there for no good reason, just because I want to."' -- Oh Tyler, honey. -- 'The end of the world is probably going to begin with those five words. Let's get this party started. Just once, I wish someone would say, "Let's not." Just once.' Seanan's writing is constantly a thing of beauty. -- 'Which at least put her in a category with me and Tyler, so hey. She had good taste.' our sassy narrator is queer Seanan you never let me down -- This ghost is tragic and horrifying. Just the way I like them. :) -- Gee, Tyler, I wonder why Elisa wants nothing to do with you -- "No one owns a word." Oh god, I can smell the Axe body spray coming off this sentence. Heeeere, ghostie ghostie DIRTMOUTH '...I think it's kind of natural to key on the most painful image we can conjure and then just stare at it until there's nothing else in the world.' Hello amazing description of my depression/anxiety -- 'If you're going to ask why I let her in, my first response would be simply that it was cold out there.' This is just such a lovely human moment. It's cold, come in. -- 'When she opened her mouth under her mask, her whole face shifted, and instead of my name, there was only a creak.' AIE -- 'One day of the year, it isn't much. But it's so much more than no days at all.' That's fine, I didn't need my heart anyway. A SMALL TASTE OF THE OLD COUNTRY -- wait a minute Argentina 1948 and one of the guys has an accent he's trying to disguise? Uhhh-huh. -- Now I want homemade bread. ((reviewer's note: I did indeed pause after this story to make some)) -- Okay, so he's not Jewish. There goes my guess. If he turns out to be gay/queer, I will just turn into one giant Joy Emoji because I've seen plenty of stories about Jewish people hunting down Nazis after the war (as well I should) but I'm not sure if I've ever seen one about queer people getting revenge for what was done to them. If anyone has seen any, point me towards?? -- "The damned Russians and British and Americans have taken it all from us. Our hopes and dreams and every single thing of worth that we owned." Oh, wahhh. -- "It means that I am not a Jew or a homosexual or a Pole or a Slav or any of these groups, nor were any of my family, and yet they all died in the camps. ... I am Romany." I am flailing here because a) Romany used instead of the slur, b) remembering and naming all the people the Nazis targeted <3 -- "Some celebrations require fatted calves, but I think fatted pigs will do nicely." DAMN. Well played, Becker. WICK'S END -- I love the setup of this, trading stories in an old bar on Halloween night. -- "Let us venture outside to give our next stories the proper atmosphere" DO NOT. THIS IS HOW YOU DIE. -- Stingy Jack! ((as it turns out, the first of two appearances in this collection!)) THE SEVENTEEN-YEAR ITCH -- "Don't worry about what I said...I can hold It off. I can." I know it's a terrible idea but I want to give him a hug -- "He was doodling faster now, strange, grinning faces with lots of teeth, which he hastily drew over, scribbling heavy, thick lines." eep. -- "If we don't do anything...people will die." "Yeah, well, not me," said Kenneth. Go to hell, Ken. -- "This is really very interesting," said Dr. Orando. Your patient is in pain, you ass. -- 'He'd hated himself for staying away, and he hated himself for coming back and trying to do something, and most of all he hated himself for being too late.' :( A FLICKER OF LIGHT ON DEVIL'S NIGHT -- Why does she keep saying 'the girl' and 'the boy' instead of their names? Do they have names? It's creepy and dehumanizing. -- also the boy is an ass -- though I can understand where it comes from -- 'The appointment is in January, so the doctor must think it's okay to wait three months.' Lady, how long have you lived in America? -- 'He wouldn't make him wait if the boy was really sick, if this self-harm was a symptom of something bad.' LADY. -- "Don't slam-" I don't even bother finishing my sentence as I hurry across the room and reach for the door to pull it away from the wall. Words circle around and back. They've lost all meaning through repetition. I need a new language.' I feel that. -- 'I get a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach when the girl talks like this.' I can't imagine her wanting to leave a place where her mom doesn't even refer to her by name. -- 'The girl is mine. I've given up all of my dreams and possessions to keep her happy.' That's a perfectly healthy way to regard your child, yes. -- ...shit. WITCH HAZEL -- Pine Barrens yesssss -- body horror alert AUGH -- Making himself a pot of coffee? Heck, if I'd just seen that I'd be after all the booze forever. -- 'A strange pathogen, blossoming, from the woman's cells- many-armed, like the wild witch-hazel flower. I've never seen the like.' I got such 'Who Goes There?' vibes from those lines. -- There's the bourbon! NOS GALAN GAEAF -- soooo Lance is a creep -- 'She'd bewitched him. That was the only answer. And so burning would be apt. Unlikely, but he could hope.' Easy there Frollo -- 'Home, home, on the double, The tailless black sow shall catch the last.' Creepy; I love it. -- 'That smile said there was more there, something worth saving. The smile was a lie.' DIE HORRIBLY. -- Seanna, darlingheart! I will name a heroine in one of my books after you. -- 'The whole thing was a trap. Seanna had *made* him take her stone, and then she'd lain in wait to catch him.' Your misogyny is tiresome please get eaten now. -- hooray WE'RE NEVER INVITING AMBER AGAIN -- and this one makes a twofer with a punchable narrator -- Ooooh, a crazy old cat lady joke! No wonder you needed your sister-in-law to entertain at the party. -- "Here we go." At least I'd have another story to pass around.' You are such a dick. -- "Did he hit her?" I asked, maybe with too much excitement. Die. -- 'Trying to sound sporty and not mean.' You're failing miserably and I hope your wife leaves your condescending ass and goes for an Epic Road Trip with her sister. -- 'My expression told her everything. All the disgust and contempt I usually took pains to conceal. Cecily read all of this and began to cry.' Oh, honey. Road. Trip. SISTERS -- I love Millie's interpretation of human holidays. -- See? Even demons think clowns are creepy. -- That last LINE. ALL THROUGH THE NIGHT -- The reading your intended's initial in an apple peel is so sweet. -- "If she's a lass, your child, you can sell her to me. I'd treat her well. Put her to work only when she's ready. Would you like that, love?" run -- "What of the cost to me?" he asked. "If your breast milk lands on my piecings?" *rolls guillotine closer* -- 'The doctor said the milk sold in Five Points came from sick cows and looked thick and creamy only with the addition of paint and chalk.' The free market will regulate itself!!! God. -- "I tried." "Ah love, love. We all do." *sobbing* I knew that ending was coming and it still hit hard. A KINGDOM OF SUGAR SKULLS AND MARIGOLDS -- 'You ever seen the lights go green in a woman's eyes when she takes the hand of a man made of bones?' What a sentence. -- I love the descriptions in this. 'Jet-black and electric blue: that's the night sky, shimmering and buzzing like lights of an all-night diner, while agate-dusted shades zoom by, darting through alleys of a crowded universe.' It's just a gorgeous piece. -- The car sounds so unsettling and oddly lovely, perfect for the story. -- 'All I know is, you don't fuck with Abuelita.' ...you absolutely do not. Wow. -- Aww, kids. I wondered if Santi meant that to him. -- ohshit -- Even after he tried to sell him out at the worst possible time, Santi still protected him. I love this kid. -- 'That moment between us, what we did, I didn't expect it, but it felt like it's supposed to.' my heart hurts -- Abuelita!!! THE TURN -- As if walking around at night wasn't already terrifying. -- 'However, part of him was desperate to know.' no tim -- ...did NOT see that coming. JACK -- "I'm ready; I've got this." Um. -- 'But nothing weirds the human animal out like death. Even the steadiest, most down-to-earth hardheads can totally lose their compos mentis where death is concerned. And that's just the living. The dead are worse.' If that doesn't hook you I don't know what will. -- the concept of charm/apps is great -- The worldbuilding is so fun and I would not be disappointed to find out this is part of a series. *crossed fingers* LOST IN THE DARK -- 'spent fifteen minutes of one class arguing the merits of The Lost Boys' Lost Boys has all the merits -- The 'woman in the mine' story is great. I just ordered Langan's The Fisherman, and from this story so far, I think I'll really enjoy it. -- Isabelle, your professor is an idiot; your documentary idea would be amazing. -- "After filming the mine's exterior, we walked into it." Edie waits a beat, then says "And...?" "And we came out again," Sarah says. "Eventually." I adore all the 'oh shit something's coming' eerieness in that last line. -- ugh why isn't this actually a movie I want to watch it. -- CLOSE THE CONNECTION YOU GUYS why are you even messing with the world's creepiest Ouija board if you haven't done your research -- "Is that Isabelle?" Chad asks. "Who else would it be?" Kristi says Kristi. Nooo, Kristi. -- oh no there's only about three pages left in this story I want a novel THE FIRST LUNAR HALLOWEEN -- "What if you're wrong?" Susan said, "Nobody is wrong. This is totally safe, so you just need to enjoy your first Halloween!" As epitaphs go, it's not bad. -- 'Altogether, the trip should take an hour. Everyone had enough air for three hours.' Well, whatever's about to go wrong, at least it's not a Titanic situation. -- 'Susan felt dread, knowing with a weird certainty that the parallel grooves were from Jonathan's boots as he had been dragged.' Yeek. -- STOP SPLITTING UP oh no they don't know the rules all knowledge from horror movies has been lost -- Jonathan you idiot. SYNOPSIS:
Aerial View: A suburban town in Texas. Everyone's got an automatic garage door opener. All the kids jump off a perilous cliff into a shallow river as a rite of passage. The sheriff is a local celebrity. You know this town. You're from this town. Zoom In: Homecoming princess, Lindsay. She's just barely escaped death at the hands of a brutal, sadistic murderer in a Michael Jackson mask. Up on the cliff, she was rescued by a horse and bravely defeated the killer, alone, bra-less. Her story is already a legend. She's this town's heroic final girl, their virgin angel. Monster Vision: Halloween masks floating down that same river the kids jump into. But just as one slaughter is not enough for Billie Jean, our masked killer, one victory is not enough for Lindsay. Her high school is full of final girls, and she's not the only one who knows the rules of the game. When Lindsay chooses a host of virgins, misfits, and former final girls to replace the slaughtered members of her original homecoming court, it's not just a fight for survival-it's a fight to become The Last Final Girl. There was a lot to love about this book (it began with a quote from Heathers; I was predisposed to adore every word). The style was half-screenplay half-novel, and though it took a little getting used to I really enjoyed it. If you've seen the story prompts on Tumblr that just get filled in bullet-point format, hitting the high points of a would-be story, that was what this reminded me of. ((not that this wasn't a full story, but that it always felt like it was jumping from action point to action point. Introspective horror this was not, but that's never what it pretended to be, either)). Scream is mentioned on the cover, which is appropriate, since the book constantly refers to other horror novels/movies and their tropes. Two minor characters are even 'fancast' as Robert Englund and Tony Todd. Most of the characters weren't people I could get attached to. And unlike in Adam Cesare's Tribesmen, where characters were playoffs of Cannibal Holocaust exploitation types, it felt like we were supposed to really care for, and that didn't ping for me. Absolutely worth a read, though; it's a fun take on the genre. Quotes/lines: ((spoilers beyond this point)) -- thank god, the horse lived. But OW -- 'something about his posture confirming for us that, yes, he was born with his shirt tucked in' -- "Don't you get an automatic A if a maniac killer stalks you for forty-eight hours of terror?" -- "Psycho cleanup, stall two," she says. Yes, Izzy, someoe who survived a suicide attempt not wanting you to glorify/wish for violence is completely psycho. -- "I was acting out earlier," Izzy says. "I can't, it's like I can't process it, all the violence. Maybe I didn't know how to cry, so I cried the only way I could, by trying to make everybody laugh?" I kinda hate you -- You know, Jamie, you could've just traded those kids the cigarettes without going into detail about the breasts of a near-murder victim, you creep -- "I knew she was fucked up," Izzy says, taking a pull off the bottle they seem to have as well. 'But this is beyond, right?" Okay, no more kinda, I 100% hate you -- "Tell me your middle name's Lee." <3 -- "You know better than to provoke him" ewwww go to hell Izzy's mom -- "You understand of course that doing all this, it gives me a pass on any future carnage, right?" **unending laughter** -- "Go!" Izzy yells, instead of what we expect: for her to stand up for those who can't stand up for themselves.' ...what part of making fun of a wounded victim, stealing a classmate's file, and helping a serial killer stay hidden would lead the audience to expect anything but this? She didn't hand over all the info to Jamie, but...yeah. A heroine this does not make. -- "Is this the--the boy's one?" she says, holding it up and away, trying not to touch it. "Your knee hurts, doesn't it?" the nurse says, satisfied with herself.' HA -- oh SHIT stuart -- "They're all asking for it," Izzy says, about the naked girls moving through the steam. "You're in here, too," Brittney says back. Thank you, Brittney -- 'pulls it up into the open air like a sacred golden statue. Meaning this is that moment before that boulder starts rolling.' Nice. -- 'And- is that background kindof shuffling? Are those leaves waking up?' I swear if these kids die because Izzy didn't turn the creep in... -- "How can it be poor taste if I turned it in before they traipsed off into the woods with targets on their backs?" Be more annoying -- Mr. Pleasence. But of course. :) -- "Then make Jane Austen your friend." "Frankenstein?" "Dickens." "God. Prick me, do I not bleed?" "Good, good, more like that." "I saw it in a Ron Jeremy movie," Izzy says. Yes, we get it, you are Edgy -- "It's Crystal," Brittney shrugs. UGH -- Can do without the slut-shaming, but I do love that April doesn't go for Izzy's "we're sisters now!" manipulative bs -- "You remind me of another seventeen-year old girl I used to know." "Oh yeah?" "Me," the librarian says, and walks away, Izzy wordless, pinned to her seat. YOW. -- 'They're all final girls.' <3 <3 <3 -- 'but real tragedy avoids the pure of heart, as I've learned' BARF -- "Can we please get this over with already," Izzy interrupts. For once I'm 100% in agreement with you -- "And you still don't have a date?" They just saw a guy burn in front of them wtf -- "The sheriff's dead, mom, and the janitor's dying, and we just buried six kids last week. Do you really think my having a date for a stupid dance is really the key issue?" "Or is somebody trying to deflect?" her mom says.' Izzy, I currently find you largely insufferable, but your mom is COMPLETELY insufferable, so congratulations you're an improvement -- "Billie Jean is coming back for her. With a little help from his friends." ... "Know what that take-home message is? Don't fuck with Izzy Stratford." what the hell is WRONG with you -- Kids making a sword down at the creek. This is fine. (("Will you come back more powerful than I could possibly imagine?" Ben you nerd)) -- "If you look under the mask, that means the fun's over." People are dead? -- "You've got the rest of your lives to be this stupid, and I trust that you're going to take full advantage no matter what I say." in this moment i love you -- Stratford is forever associated to me with 10 Things I Hate About You because it's Kat's last name and in short I want to like Izzy so much -- Crystal is my forever girl. -- This scene with Izzy and Ben is lovely. When Izzy's with most people, she seems like she's trying way too hard (or, like with the killer, just plain creepy) but I love her when she's with her little brother. -- "I thought you were cool now?" "Really? I never thought you were." There you go, April, tear out his heart and eat it in front of the entire party. -- 'is this really the image we want to project' shoo Lindsay -- No seriously April, I adore you. Nun-slash-assassin indeed. -- Team "two guys in the shower". Get out of there safely my queer children -- also this party. Gaaaaaah. Horrifying -- "Seriously?" she says, as if completely disgusted by who this is' I have to say goodbye, but just know that I still adore you. -- oh gee, did the serial killer you were hiding get away? Who could have predicted this could happen? ((seriously half your characterization is Horror-Loving-Girl; how did you not see this coming)) -- "Characterize this." ilu dante -- 'taking extra care to accidentally grind his camera into more pieces than it already is' Good. Creep. -- "Still wish it was you, brave girl?" Damn. Also if Crystal doesn't live I'm gonna riot. -- Ben. You brilliant darling. The stuck cars are genius and so very needed. -- "Everybody loves a good donkey show." pffffffffffft -- ((seriously, Wildfire should still be at a vet, not being paraded around as Lindsay's prop)) -- Brittney! You're alive! -- OH FUCK -- 'Izzy pulling anyway, still trying to save her' :( -- 'Wildfire screaming, blind, blood foaming at his nostrils' I told you this poor baby needed to be at a vet -- NEVER TRUST THE CREEPY REPORTER -- "How high's that vest go?" AUGH -- Ben. Please do not die. -- Crystal saved the goddamn day by flashing the serial killer I AM IN AWE -- "Is it, is it over?" Ben asks, a kid now, again. Like he should be. sweetie -- 'Crystal inserts her heel into Jamie's eye anyway, and pushes in' *end of Death Proof flashbacks* -- Dante is officially Chief Hopper in my mind I don't make the rules -- Izzy, I am just starting to like you. WTF ARE YOU DOING -- "He'll just be expecting you," she says. "Not me. That's our advantage." You need more backup than that!!! -- "It's not shoplifting if he's family." *nervous laughter* -- this is why you needed backup izzy -- Wildfire nooooooo (and what the hell is with the 'what you were wishing to see at the beginning' stuff? Narrator, you have issues) -- "Who says I'm into girls?" DANTE. MY LOVE. All in all, a fun little read. If you like this book, I'd recommend the movie Tragedy Girls (if you don't like it, I'll still recommend it, because that movie is amazing) ;) SYNOPSIS:
Ten writers are selected for a summer-long writing retreat with the most celebrated and reclusive author in the world. Their host is the legendary Roderick Wells. Handsome, enigmatic, and fiendishly talented, Wells promises to teach his pupils about writing, about magic, about the untapped potential that each of them possesses. Most of all, he plans to teach them about the darkness in their hearts. The writers think they are signing up for a chance at riches and literary prestige. But they are really entering the twisted imagination of a deranged genius, a lethal contest pitting them against one another in a struggle for their sanity and their lives. They have entered into Roderick Wells’s most brilliant and horrible creation: The Dark Game. The setup is very Agatha Christie, and I'm a sucker for "small group of people trapped in a house and bad things happen" plots. Creepy writer's workshop is an added bonus. I loved what this one had to say about creativity and the eternity of the written word, for good or bad. Lines/reactions: ((spoilers beyond this point)) 'She chewed a thumbnail, a hundred horror movies flashing through her head. Why was it always a woman who got hacked to pieces?' I constantly ask the same, Lucy. -- 'Bryan's smirk faded. "I write fact-based survival stories." A corner of Tommy's mouth rose. "Personality like yours, I bet you know a lot about being alone." OHHHHH. (also, I hate alpha-male bullshit like Bryan's. 'next time make sure you don't insult a collegiate wrestler' oh my GOD just go jerk off to a confederate flag somewhere and leave the rest of humanity alone -- 'He wasn't, but he'd rather catheterize himself with a lit sparkler than discuss politics.' lol -- 'Because something is following me, and half the reason I'm here is to escape it?' Hey maybe whatever is following you can eat Bryan instead -- "Why, so they can ask me what went wrong?" Anna sobered. "Your critics can fuck themselves." ilu, Anna. Though you do have a bit of an I'm Your #1 Fan! vibe. -- 'No doubt cataloging some piece of minutiae with which to annoy future readers.' Perfect. -- "You need to get in shape," Bryan called over his shoulder. And you need to take a long walk off a short pier. -- "Before we proceed, you must submit yourselves to me. You must prepare to withstand extreme conditions, both physical and emotional." He's going to suck out your souls so he can maintain eternal life RUN -- oh man that prize though -- "Just what the hell did happen to the other nine writers in the first contest?" What did I just say? Souls got eaten, try to keep up. -- "If you lose, there are always the pills," her agent's voice reminded her. ... "I gave you your shot, and you blew it. You let us all down, little lady." oh sweetheart get yourself a new agent this one is a dick -- (he's not a man) oh shit -- "If you bow at the altar of the right person, you're accorded privileges." She glanced at Lucy. "Like big advances and glowing reviews." C'mon, Elaine, don't be that passive-aggressive asshat. -- 'Elaine gaped at him. She glanced from face to face, searching for an ally.' If not for the aforementioned sniping at your fellow writers, you might have one. -- 'Bryan looked pleadingly at the others, but no one came to his defense.' this is my shocked face -- oookay I thought Anna was an obsessive fan but no, she's SO much worse. -- 'Evan Laydon sniffed and told them his story idea was 'upmarket' and 'high-concept', whatever the hell that meant.' I bet it means a college professor main character has a wrought affair with a student. -- "You have any idea how illegible my handwriting is?" I hear you, Will. -- "It's called The Siren and the Specter" heh -- "I'm not going to discover you sunbathing naked, am I?" "I prefer a two-piece." <3 -- 'No way had Clayton bedded as many girls as Tommy had." Yawn. Just whip them out and measure already, guys. -- 'Suzy, who was seventeen but had the mental capacity of a four-year old.' okay I hate Bryan but you get to die first -- oh Suzy sweetheart -- 'but the memories far, far worse' Yeah, poor baby. Truly, you are the one who suffered here. -- "I'm already comfortable in your presence." BARF -- This scene with Marek and the cop is goddamned terrifying -- 'the man looked younger than he had in the library' I TOLD YOU. SOUL-EATER. -- "I know you had issues with reality, but I never guessed they were this severe." you gaslighting s.o.b. -- "Am I wrong?" "About Bryan and Tommy?" Will asked. "Probably not. About all men.." not the time, Will -- I love Sherilyn. -- "He's all bluster," Will said. Famous last etc. -- ...Rick's mom is a badass -- "Was it illegal when he was only twenty?" I. Hate. You. So. Much. -- 'But like I said, I was only seventeen, and if seventeen sounds old enough to you, please not that Zendie was already twenty-eight.' Ohhhh, Sherilyn. I will not only bitchslap him, I will bitchslap your mom for encouraging this. -- "One secret for every article of clothing." Yeah. All bluster. Nothing to see here. -- 'but the brass door handles gleamed like they'd just been installed' THE HOUSE EATS SOULS TOO -- "Escape now." O_______o -- The thing in the crate from Creepshow! <3 -- ngl I really want Sherilyn to get that money -- 'He still needs water, Will thought.' oh sweetie. Given what type of book this is, you're not going to be rewarded for this, but you're a good kid. -- "I'm not going to tell on you." ...oh SHIT. -- oh god why are Anna and Bryan teaming up they're horrible enough on their own -- 'Could I have stopped what happened to you?' Ummm...yes. -- 'Great girl. Might be the one. But so frigid. So insensitive to his needs.' You have two hands for a reason, Jake. Also, go to hell. -- Justine! :( -- 'She could be abrasive at times, but this? No one deserved this.' Wellllllll (he is technically right, though; she deserves worse) -- "You're our host, not our warden." I like you Sherilyn please run -- "What do you know of power?" "I know that a truly strong person doesn't use it to intimidate." Riiiick. <3 -- "I'm happy to say you behaved exactly as I thought you would." SHERILYN. MY HEART IS YOURS. -- "You just ripped my manuscript apart. I want to make sure Sherilyn is held to the same standards." Lucy glared at Anna. "Why wouldn't she be?" "Her race," Bryan said. As if you two don't suck enough already -- ...okay Evan you've convinced me you can die now. -- yay -- things are ratcheted up to eleven and we are halfway through the book. *bites nails* -- all right, Will's being brought into the group! -- I really, really hope that Justine's ghost shows up and throws Anna from the roof. -- Jack Ketchum! <3 -- "Fuck fear." I'm just going to assume this is from an actual conversation with Ketchum. -- 'He shook his head. "Lucy doesn't need to be saved." Good man. -- Will NO you're a good guy and that is going to get you killed. -- "You were only, what, a third of the way in?" oh Rick honey no. -- okay so as someone with suicidal ideation this scene with Lucy's attempted suicide is HARD. -- "Anti-anxiety," she said. Thought about it. "There's irony in there somewhere." oh sweetie -- "You should not mock me," the maid said. HOLY SHIT -- Will nooooo -- 'of young tourists attacked by carnivorous plants inside an ancient ruin' I understood that reference! -- Will you're alive! -- 'Was it any less than he deserved?' Honey, 1) you were a kid, and 2) he raped and murdered people. 'that poor man' nah -- since you're punchy and hurting I will forgive you the 'gypsy curse' thing. If you get out of this, learn about the fact that that's a racial slur -- "I was a monster," Bates said. "But damned if I was born that way." *Jake Peralta voice* Cool motive, still murder. -- GET HIM LUCY -- Lucy grinned. "Am I wicked-looking?" "You look like a drowned muskrat." Heh -- 'Will said, "I'll go in first." Lucy just gave him a look.' "We can talk about sexism in survival situations when I get back"-- Ellie Sattler, ultimate role model -- 'He could, however, try to vanquish Wells in The Magical King.' He's gonna write his way out. I love it. -- Will stared up at Wells, breath heaving. Then, his face seemed to clear. "You lose, Mr. Wells." Good on you, Will. -- Oh good, new agent. -- Is the Fred Astaire murders villain still out there like Wells said? -- yessssss at least Sherilyn got her wish -- "I was just wondering what it's like to expend so much energy wishing failure on others." THAT'S MY GIRL -- ....question answered. SYNOPSIS:
Thirty years ago, cynical sleazeball director Tito Bronze took a tiny cast and crew to a desolate island. His goal: to exploit the local tribes, spray some guts around, cash in on the '80s Italian cannibal cinema craze. But the vengeful spirits of the island had other ideas. And before long, guts were squirting behind the scenes, as well. While the camera kept rolling... Both the cover and back description promise splatterpunk glory, and the book more than delivers. The characters are (with a couple of exceptions) so offensive and/or obnoxious that you can't wait for the machete. I admit to never seeing Cannibal Holocaust, the movie this book is paying homage to (I am not that hardc0re). Given that, there may be a few references or in-jokes that I missed, but if so, it didn't impede any enjoyment of the book. Lines and quotes: ((spoilers from here on in. Also, forewarning, so much racism in a lot of these quotes. So. Much.)) -------------------- -- If the *prologue* goes this hard I'm kinda nervous about the rest of the book. DAMN. -- 'Cannibal Fury Atrocity', I'm cackling -- "the Amazon has no monopoly on savages" "these Guinea bastards" okaaaaay so both Tito and Roland are creepy racist pricks. *hangs Victim #1 and Victim #2 signs around their necks* -- "I'm writing the script," Jacque said, closing his pencil inside the notebook, ready to talk. The script was halfway finished and it was a long flight. He had the time.' Procrastination at its finest. <3 -- "My exotic jezebel, my starlet for a new age, my mulatto Fay Wray for the 1980s" EW die in a fire Tito -- 'Over the few years he'd been working with him, Tito had always found new and ingenious ways to outdo his own tastelessness.' That's putting it mildly. -- "Oh, I'll just call it back with my magic telephone that can place calls to airplanes." "That is a real thing, you know. It's called a radio and I take it that means we don't have one." Jacque. <3 <3 <3 -- I like each chapter being from a different pov. -- 'She resolved to minimize contact with the crew for the next three days.' An excellent plan, Daria. -- "Why did you let it escape?" he asked Umberto. Yes. I am quite certain this group could have handled catching and killing a wild boar. -- 'He knew full well what Denny was going to do out in the jungle. The mouthy jig was torturing him. *Why did I think that? Jacque was a nice guy.* The need always made him edgy.' orrrrr you're a racist douche -- "I...I'm a diabetic." omfg you dumbass -- oh yay Tito has a gun I see no way this could possibly go wrong -- 'The branch had no give. It didn't bend, it didn't break: it just molted a bit more, revealing a smooth white interior. It wasn't a branch at all. It was a bone. A human femur.' YAAAAAAAAH -- 'How is it possible that Umberto was not making it with one of them right now? At least one of them!' help I don't know who I want to die first -- 'To begin, go back to the village and get a blade.' UM. -- BOIL THE WATER YOU DIPSHIT -- 'The film's pov shots had wheedled their way into his subconscious and kept him awake for three days straight (well, it was either John Carpenter or the speed)' *snerk* -- Denny realized that Tito had told his other two actors much more about the scene than he had translated into Italian for the girl. He had deliberately kept her unaware of what was going to happen.' What shitheels. (and yes, Jacque, that includes you. 'I'm sorry' my ass; if you were honestly sorry you wouldn't do it. I now want Daria and Cynthia to make it out and everyone else can get stung to death by scorpions thanks) -- well dammit. -- 'Nobody does anything until the boy gets more film in the camera.' O______o -- 'She would not back down. She would not stop hoping or fighting.' My girl. -- "Can I at least be allowed to sit down while I listen to this crazy horseshit?" Jacque asked. Heh. Still hate you, though. -- "I'm sorry," she said. "I know this wasn't your fault." There were tears in her eyes.' Cynthia is a far better person than I could ever be. -- "How long since you've slept?" a familiar voice asked at the back of his mind, he almost didn't recognize it at first. It had been so long since he had heard his own voice in his head.' Yikes. -- 'She was going to be tortured and mutilated by an idiot, in all likelihood not even in focus. It figured.' I love you Cynthia, please don't die -- "Fuck you," she said. He probably knew that one, had most likely heard it directed at him by a thousand different women in a dozen different languages.' A very, very safe bet. -- I like that ending for Jacque. I would've been irritated if he'd gotten off the island, after what he helped put Daria through. #DariaDeservedBetter |
A WORLD WITH A BLUER SUNMy reviews are set up a little like live-tweets: I write down lines I like/impressions as I read, and then transcribe. Reviews will contain spoilers, but I'll give a warning before they start. Archives
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